I Don't Want to Know

As I type this, there are things I don’t want to know.

This statement shocks even me, seeing as how I am a girl who likes to know the when, where, how and what of basically everything in my life. I admit, I don’t like surprises. No, not even at Christmas…and yes, I do shake the presents. ☺

But over the past several years, God has shown me much more of Himself by NOT filling me in on all the information. I haven’t always liked it, but He hasn’t seemed to mind. And I can honestly say that my lack of information has resulted in the growth it takes to say in this blog that there are things I now don’t want to know. I say it, and friends, I mean it.

I wasn’t always like this. I had my life planned out pretty early on, as a matter of fact. I was gonna fall madly in love with a doctor, have three or four kids, and live safely in suburbia with my faith tucked neatly under my arm. I would pull it out when I needed it, of course. But mainly I was just glad to have it for myself.

Which is why I know God has His Almighty eye on me. And I’m convinced He smiles at all the ironies of all my well laid-out plans.

Such is in the case of the latest great irony of my life: the launching of a church called Thrive Church Charlotte. The pastor of such a great body of believers is one fortunate guy. He’s a strong leader with massive gifts and the ability to communicate timeless truths from God’s Word in a very real and relatable way. I’m fortunate to get to sit under such a man. It’s just that it puts me in quite a position, since he is my husband.

(The non-doctor, by the way.) ☺

It is a role I never anticipated or if I’m being brutally honest, ever wanted. Don’t get me wrong. It’s a high calling and an honor to be the wife of a pastor of a church. I just didn’t think it was something I would ever be. My qualifications fall very short, I’m afraid. Though I admit, I DO play the piano. ☺

But this new role in my life is yet another example of things in my life I probably shouldn’t know ahead of time. It just wouldn’t have been a good idea, and God knew it. Instead, He prepared me in ways I never saw as preparation and got me to a place of surrender in my life that my heart wouldn’t let me take back no matter what the circumstance. I’ve wanted to, friends. But I just can’t.

And so, here I sit, knowing that what lies ahead of me is much bigger than a safe-seeking suburban mom ever anticipated. You see, I’ve lived in a glass house for most of my life. I’ve seen the highs and lows of ministry life and lived the life where the hardest thing to do some days is to get someone to see you like everyone else. I’ve been the pastor’s daughter. My father has even weathered more than one ministry storm. And to ask a person who has sat through more than one heated church meeting as a relative of the pastor to get back into a role of scrutiny and responsibility is to ask someone to risk some of the deepest hurts a person could ever know. The life of a pastor’s family is rich, indeed. It is beautiful and it is full. But it is also a life that few truly understand.

And therein lies my heart, poured out in this blog.

And yet, there’s more. Because the truth is that to get this stubborn girl to agree to a role this large is to move a mountain, in and of itself. If people only knew about the tears. If they only knew about the clenched fists that had to be opened and then turned up. If people only knew about the insecurities and fears and weariness and sense of responsibility. If people only knew my heart.

They would know. What this is all about.

But if they don’t, it’s ok. Because…He does.

And everything else…they…and I…just don’t need to know.

I made a promise to God when He began to bless my writing that I would never use my gift to hurt anyone or write anything negatively of them. I feel a strong sense of responsibility to only lift the body of believers up, and that, I pray I will always do. I believe in the core of my soul that God will not bless one who uses their gifts to manipulate or harm another, and further, I believe He will take them away from a person who does. God willing, I will never be that person.

And so, this blog is not about those things.

This blog is about finding out things I need to know when God thinks I can handle them. It’s about trusting He knows me better than I know myself, because I’m not all too sure I am the right girl for this job.

It’s about resting in His plan for my life, which now includes moving back into a glass house and continuing on my journey to be real and authentic, no matter who is watching. Praise God He lives in the glass house with me.

This one thing I know…I am sure gonna need Him a lot.

Vertical Thinking

God used my new friend, Jamie, to snap me back into reality the other day.

A young man of privilege, Jamie shared with my husband and me what he does to help “keep it real” in his life, despite his ready access to things. He told us of volunteering at the homeless shelter and why he picked that particular ministry. His desire to stay above the fray was encapsulated in one simple, yet profound sentence… “I do this because it’s really hard to go out and buy myself a new pair of shoes when I’ve just been with someone who has literally nothing.”

I’ve had a few days to think about this statement and I just can’t get it out of my head. It’s not about a particular burden for the homeless, though I do have one. But it’s about much more, for me. It’s about the bigger picture of life and how sometimes I get caught up in my concerns, fears and hurts and suddenly find myself diving into a pool of "me." Which is why Jamie’s statement was so impactful that I can’t stop thinking about it.

For me what it’s about is the reminder that when I focus on Jesus and fill my mind and heart with Him, it’s hard to have much time left to have a self obsession. I, like most of us, begin acting in the flesh when I focus on mine. I think about my fears…my worries…my hurts…and then I react by slipping further down into a place where problems seem bigger than life and the reality of who Jesus Christ is despite all of it is minimized and nearly forgotten.

But when I think about Jesus, the great One…the Best of the Best and worthy of all of my praise and attention…it becomes much less about me and all about Him.

I see that Jeremiah shared my sentiments.

“All this is nothing compared to you, O God. You're wondrously great, famously great. Who can fail to be impressed by you, King of the nations? It's your very nature to be worshipped! Look far and wide among the elite of the nations. The best they can come up with is nothing compared to you.” (Jeremiah 10:6-9) MSG

Today, I think about Jesus. And when I do, my spirit craves to know more about this One who rescues me from a focus on things that just don’t compare.

The Push

Sometimes I need a little push up the hill just to keep going.

I was thinking about this while torturing myself on the treadmill yesterday. Because I love visuals and generally need pictures to understand most things (I’m kinda simple that way ☺)…AND because I kept trying to pull from a place of inspiration while torturing myself on the treadmill…my mind immediately took me back to an episode of The Biggest Loser I watched not long ago.

It was a tough challenge for the contestants, and one involving a hill. Though difficult for everyone, one of the heaviest men was having a particularly hard time getting up the hill, and everyone knew it. Right as he was beginning to really struggle, someone came up behind him and applied their strength to his will, pushing him with both hands on his back until he finally got to the top. It was a great t.v. moment and an even better “life” moment for me, from the view from my bonus room recliner.

And so…on the treadmill torturing myself…I thought back to that episode and how applicable it was to my life right now. I won’t lie to you. This past week was a tough one for me. Emotionally, spiritually, physically…in every way. My soul has been weary. There are some huge ministry undertakings in front of me and I am tired, just thinking about them. Thankful. Humbled. But tired.

This blog is about real life, ya’ll, and I’m living it. My life is blessed. But it is not perfect.

Not only has this been a tough week, but in the past few weeks I have been taking needed inventory into how I spend my time and what things I might need to cut out in order to save my sanity and be truly effective for the Kingdom and to my family. In my personal analysis, I have to admit to you that one of the thoughts I have had was whether or not I should continue on with my blog. Don’t get me wrong…I love communicating with you, my friends, this way. I love sharing my heart and things God impresses on me to put out there. (And please know that I am not looking for personal endorsements here ☺). Truly, I am honored you take time to read anything I have to say and I pray that it in some way draws you to the One who is the source of anything good in my life. But I wouldn’t be wise if I didn’t evaluate from time to time if it merited keeping up with.

And this week, I really wondered.

Combined with the rough week and the ministry endeavors in front of me, my wondering left me weakened and in a serious place of contemplation.

And then came the push, from an unexpected source.

All the way from Canada, I received an email from a woman, requesting me to come and speak. She wrote of being a church planter and the incredible vision she and her husband have to reach a different type of person than might be on the cover of Good Christian Magazine(were there such a one). Immediately, I shared her passion and her heart. But what came next touched me in ways she probably never expected…

She wrote of a fall sabbatical she and her family took through Europe and how reading my blog every week was like “water for the soul” while she was away from other family and friends. She expressed how much she needed that and how it blessed her life. I don’t know if she meant to encourage me, but she did. In fact, she did even more. She watered MY soul by her sweet words of affirmation. What she wrote touched me in just the right places at just the right time.

Her words…His push.

Just what I needed to get up my momentary life “hill.”

And I remembered that it is ok to be tired. And it’s ok to take inventory. And it’s even ok to feel like I can’t do anything more. Because that’s the time that He can show just how much He can.

{ “my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." II Corinthians 12:19}

I write all this to come to this conclusion. Friends, keep going. Never stop working for the Kingdom, even when you want to. Put one step in front of the other and move forward. You never know whose life you might be influencing or who you may be inspiring. You will NEVER know if you stop.

I’m taking my own counsel, by the way. Thanks to my moment on the treadmill…my friend from Canada…and God knowing just when to give me that little push.

She Seeks -- Part II

Good Morning!

Thank you so much for your responses to my last blog post. I'm so excited for how I already see God working in this new ministry venture! My heart is stirred, and I am ever-so-grateful for the opportunity to be used by Him to minister to this young professional age of 18-30. As so many of you have voiced, this is the age where many of us veered off course and needed insight, counsel and encouragement. It's our greatest desire to provide this and more through the ministry of She Seeks!

I am posting today a note I posted this week on Facebook. It is a little long, but if you are interested in being a part of this ministry, you will want to take the time to read it.

One more thing. You will notice in this post some questions I am encouraging you to ask women of this age that you come into contact with. After I posted these, God really sat on my heart and challenged me to back up and ask you to first answer these questions for yourself. I am doing the same. If we are to truly be able to minister to this group, we have to first know who we are, where we are coming from, and how we can be used to minister.

So...with no further ado...the note...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wow.

That's the feeling I have from all the responses I have gotten since posting about my new ministry endeavor several weeks ago. You have emailed, posted comments, and most of all, shared your heart and passion with me in such a way that I see the hand of God all over this! Thank you for wanting to reach young women and influence them to choose Jesus. The truth is, they live in a world that tells them otherwise.

As a favorite author of mine says..."You are most fully alive when you are on an adventure with God." (Erwin McManus, The Barbarian Way) I hope you are ready to start this adventure and anticipate what God wants to do in you and through your willingness to get involved in the hurts and needs of others. Friends, trust me when I tell you that you will never regret it, no matter what small sacrifice of time or energy it may require.

Kingdom impact. That is what She Seeks is all about. Hope. Understanding. Passion. Truth. The pursuit of a relationship with the only One who can give RELEVANCE to this life.

Speaking of RELEVANCE...this is a word you will be seeing often with this ministry. I firmly believe that the way we reach this group of women is to offer them RELEVANCE for the issues that effect their lives. We MUST reach them right where they are, in an honest and straightforward way. We MUST tell them the truth and not be afraid to speak with conviction, but coated with love. They will know our hearts AND our Jesus by the way we respond to their needs.

Having said that, many of you have asked what you can be doing while we get all our ducks in a row to officially launch this ministry. First, let me tell you where we are and when you can expect to see this "baby" be born! :)

Our goal is to launch within (3) months, with the blog/website being up and running first. I am in the process of beginning to meet with the graphics person from P31 to firm up these plans and see this happen! In the meantime, I am meeting with women in this age group and asking them some questions to attach myself to the issues that are RELEVANT to them. If you have access to women in this young professional age (or are one, yourself!), I would love it if you would get together with some of them...take them to lunch...or send an email to them to pick their brain and ask them some of those questions to help me in my research. Some of those questions are...

~What are your top 3 needs right now in your life?
~What are the top 3-5 issues you face on a daily basis?
~What things/people/sources do you seek when making a major life decision?
~What qualities make up the kind of relationships are you the most drawn to?
~What is your current view of God? (see Him as a Father, friend, good person, no opinion or tie to Him at all)
~What kind of person do you respect? why?
~Do you believe in living with a purpose? Do you have one? Why or why not?
~What are your dreams/passions/goals? What might hold you back from those?
~What is your current view of church/church people?
~Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
~What do you want the most out of life?

Of course, the list could go on. But these are some questions to at least get you started. When you ask them, listen to their responses without judgment or fear. Remember...we must know what is RELEVANT to this group so we can know how best to minister to their needs.

Some of you have already submitted devos, and please, keep them coming! I am collecting them now and will plug them in once we launch. I will need a good surplus to get us started, so continue to submit. Some of you have asked about format. While I have not determined all the phrasing to use for the devos, I can give you an idea of how to structure them so you will know how to write. You can email all submissions to me at sheseeks@proverbs31.org.

~Title
~Your Name and a less than 10 word way to describe why you care, how Jesus has changed your life, or what former thing you struggled with or still struggle with -- no titles or formal "bio" statements, please (i.e., Lisa Whittle -- Loves good hugs and people who tell me the truth)
~Short statistic on your topic (if applicable)
~Body: 350-500 words
~Relevant Scripture (It's all relevant, but to your topic. :)
~Relevant Additional Resources
~Now what? (a specific motivating statement or inspirational counsel for the young woman to do next)

And one more thing...I need all the help with research I can get. If you come across a quote or statistic, etc., please send them my way. I truly believe that when we join our hearts and heads, we can have the influence on this group that may well make a difference in their lives.

And most of all, keep praying! There is much to do.

On the SEEKING journey with you!