Jesus Called and He Wants His Steering Wheel Back

Thank you, Lelia, for the inspiration behind this post. Because of your authenticity about your own issues with control, I was moved to write about this. You sharpen my iron, girl. So…thank you.

If you’re like me, you might be convicted just by the title of this blog. The truth is, I could probably stop right here, having made my point. But I know there’s more I need to say.

It’s that control thing, ya’ll. I’ve got a problem with it.

I’ve written about my issues with control before, like in this post. It is no secret to those I love that my world runs best when I know information like who, what, where, when, and if at all possible, how. Though I have been at times severely stretched, proven wrong, had things blow up in my face, and been convicted over this issue of control before, still I refer back to it like an old and trusted friend. To be sure, it has been with me for a very long time.

I’ve tried to control my present…like the time today I got frustrated when I realized my husband didn’t tell me about his plans to meet a buddy for dinner. Instead of being happy for him to have a few minutes with a friend, I complained that he didn’t tell me about it until the last minute, disrupting MY plans.

I’ve tried to control my future…I’ve scurried around at times, running here and running there…spending “x” amount of hours on the computer and email and on the phone trying to build my ministry. I’ve networked and mingled ‘til I was blue in the face. I’ve tried to play the game, continuously hoping that one day I’d get really good at it if I tried hard enough.

I’ve even tried to control my past, as funny as that may seem. I’ve sometimes shared only parts of my life and my experiences with people, leaving out the “really bad” things that might turn someone off or make them think less about me. I’ve been selective with some of the things I’ve shared, controlling my past.

You’d think I would know better by now, but I’m afraid I often have a bit of amnesia when it comes to this subject. Though I do have quite a repertoire to refer to.

My control issues have caused me lots of pain over the years. I have missed out on sweet blessings that I could have otherwise received but didn’t because I was trying to control it all. I have spent countless hours worrying for nothing. I have tried and striven until my eyes were blurred and my heart was weary and I never wanted to try, again. I have hurt relationships with people I care about. I have said things that I wish I could take back. I have compromised my body, my soul and my spirit by foolishly thinking I could control anything, when the truth was, everything I thought I was controlling was controlling me.

In college, I tried to control my weight. I existed on 500 calories a day so that I would be the super skinny girl I never was but always wanted to be. I exercised like a maniac so I would be thin enough for my boyfriend, trying to control how much he loved me. I never achieved anything by trying to control it, but I always, always tried. My weight was just one of the ways I tried.

Most of all, I have hurt my relationship with Jesus by yes, even trying to control that. I have wanted Him to do the things for me I thought were best. I have tried to convince Him that He needed a little bit more of my help. I have run around trying to control things instead of resting in His sovereignty and direction. I have tried to control my role in our relationship, and in the process, I have missed out on the joy that comes from letting Him parent me properly.

Oh, control. It’s been a long time companion for this girl.

So when my friend talked to me recently about how she is like that girl in the movies who always lunges for the steering wheel of the car she’s riding in, causing a terrible wreck, I could immediately visualize me being the lunger and grabber of the steering wheel of my own life’s car. I could picture God in the driver’s seat, where I asked him to be when I was 6 year’s old. And I could see me as the passenger, sitting right beside Him. I could see the times I panicked when the road we were on didn’t look like the one I wanted to be on and letting control rear its ugly head and win as I lunged desperately for the steering wheel, it resulted in a horrific crash.

The truth is, that some of my control issues have not resulted in a terrible crash. But they have still affected my journey and my relationship with God, so what is the difference? Carrie Underwood may sing the song, “Jesus, Take the Wheel,” but too often my life's song is, “Jesus, give me that wheel. I know what I’m doing.”

Of course, I don’t. And that’s when He reminds me that He’s the driver and I’m the passenger, and He wants His steering wheel back, thank you very much.

And then I remember all the times He has driven my car successfully. And I remember that I can trust Him to do the navigating. And that my role is not one of control, but rather, one of surrender.

Oswald Chambers said it best when He wrote, “God is not working toward a particular finish – His purpose is the process itself…[His] training is for now, not for later. His purpose is for this very minute, not for sometime in the future. We have nothing to do with what will follow our obedience, and we are wrong to concern ourselves with it.”

Translation? Jesus called and He wants His steering wheel back.

He won’t force it out of our hands. He won’t take it back by manipulation. He may even allow a crash to happen in the process of transfer of drivership, though that was not His intention. But make no mistake about it, He wants it back.

It’s up to us to decide whether or not we will release our grip of the steering wheel when our desire to control grips us. He will let us drive, but it will never yield the results we are after.

When we release our grip of the wheel, we release our life back to his control. We answer “yes” to His call for submission. We decide to surrender. We choose to obey.

For we aren’t to concern ourselves with the destination, but rather, sit back and let the expert navigate the roads. After all, He’s got a perfect driving record.

A Reason to Smile

My mother always told me that when I had a lump in my throat, it meant I needed to sit down and have a good cry.

I have a lump tonight, ya'll.

Actually, every time I see this picture I can feel the lump coming on. And I can feel my eyes starting to fill.

Like now.

I wish I had something really insightful to share with you on this Monday morning, but I don't. I wish I could post what I intended to post this morning, but I can't. Having just come back from a quick trip to Nashville, I am tired and fresh out of insight. And I have learned (a bit of the hard way, I'm afraid) not to post something until it is clear in my head and heart.

But one thing that is very clear to me tonight is that I have reason to smile. Three of my favorite reasons are right here, in this picture.

Graham gives me reason to smile when he lets loose and gives me a great big 'ole grin, with full-on dimples. Simply award-winning. And when he is responsible and can be trusted to do what he says he will do. And when he tells me things like, "Mom, I think you are prettier without your make-up." Oh, and when he prays.

Micah gives me reason to smile when he comes up to me and rubs my arm and makes a sweet low humming noise while doing it. And when his lip quivers and he tears up while talking about God. And when he gives the things he loves away, which is often. And when he tells the truth when he might not otherwise get caught.

Shae gives me reason to smile when she giggles uncontrollably, with her eyes so squinty she can barely see. And when she sucks her thumb and snuggles with her "softie." And when she asks me what day it is tomorrow, and I tell her, "Sunday," and she lets out a loud "yes!" because her favorite day of the week is Sunday. And when she sits in bed with her princess Bible and runs her finger across words she can't even read because her heart is already soft towards God.

Those are the things that give me reason to smile. And where those came from, there are countless others.

As I reflect on those things tonight, I am reminded that at the very core of things, my children make me smile not because of what they do, but because of who they are. And it makes me think about the way Jesus loves me, without the conditional performance, but instead, with unconditional acceptance. Thinking of why my children make me smile reminds me of how, when I just be "me," I must make Him smile.

And so do you.

It's not because you are smart or athletic.

It's not because of what you drive or live in.

It's not because you cook better than your friends.

It's not because you are put-together or super spiritual.

It's just because a child brings that kind of smile to their parent.

Ephesians 1:5-6: "Long before he laid down earth's foundations, he had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of his love, to be made whole and holy by his love. Long, long ago he decided to adopt us into his family through Jesus Christ. (What pleasure he took in planning this!) He wanted us to enter into the celebration of his lavish gift-giving by the hand of his beloved Son." (The Message)

Bask in His smile today, friends...

P.S. As for the post I meant to write today? Still brewing...not quite percolated. Check back with me in a few days. In the meantime, I'm praying for some fresh insight and basking in His smile.

Music City, U.S.A.

Hey friends!

As you read this, I am in Nashville. My kids and I drove over and brought the nanny (my mom, MiMi :)) with us! The trip holds several purposes -- to see and spend time with my dad who is currently working out of town…to visit my best friend, Colleen, and her family…and to meet with a potential literary agent and visit some of my friends at Thomas Nelson. We plan on squeezing in the Nashville Zoo, if possible, in all the “spare time.” :)

Thank you for all your great stories about how the “truth hurts” sometimes. I laughed out loud when I read them, and I especially love to hear truth “out of the mouths of babes.” If you’ve read the opening story in my new book, you know that I can definitely relate! I am happy to announce that I’m going to be using one of the stories in my message on Behind Those Eyes, and it happens to be Cynthia’s story! Congratulations, girlfriend! Your story about the little boy and the table and not taking it to heaven is just what I needed where I needed it. So…thanks, Cynthia. I will be sending you my two books in the coming week. Happy Reading! :)

And for those of you who didn’t win the books, I may be calling on you to ask you if I can share your story in the future! Please know that all of the stories you shared touched me in some way. Some made me laugh, a few made me cry, and all of them meant something to me. Thank you for your willingness to share.

I will post again on Monday. I have decided that 6 weeks of questions is long enough for now, so expect to see something different. I have a thought brewing in my heart since I “talked” (via email) with Lelia last week. (Girl…you gave me inspiration.) Can’t wait to blog about it on Monday. If I'm not too tired from my roadtrip, that is. :)

On the road, again…

Question Series: Week 6 -- Does it really work?

Just recently, one of my girlfriends let me in on a secret she had been keeping from me for quite awhile. I have to admit I didn’t really see it coming.

She told me that she used to not like me very much.

At first, I was a bit taken back by the news. For one thing, this is a girlfriend who is very attentive to my needs as a friend. (Ya know, one of those people who call you just to see how you are doing and not to see what they can get you to do for them. Yeah…she’s one of those friends.) And on top of that, this friend is someone who has an incredibly tangible burden to pray for me. She prays for me constantly. Even when she doesn’t know exactly what to pray for me, she prays for me, anyway.

I had known for some time that she prayed for me as she drove by my house everyday. I knew she had an insatiable desire to lift me up in prayer, but I admit I didn’t know why. I think I chalked it up to her being really spiritual and really in tune with God and really sensitive to the needs and concerns of others. And all of those things are true about my friend, but that wasn’t entirely the reason she became a prayer warrior on my behalf.

But on the day she let me in on the secret she had been keeping from me, she told me where the burden to pray for me came from.

She said that she would see me at our church, dropping my son off at preschool. She said she would smile at me, but I didn’t return her smile. She said she tried to get my attention and tried to catch my eye, but I didn’t notice her to notice. So she eventually gave up her quest for friendship and decided she didn’t like me.

She even told a friend of hers that she would never want to be my friend because of it.

And so, when a mutual friend of ours began to mention my name and told her about the friendship we had forged, this girlfriend was, at first, surprised and maybe even, a little disappointed. But she kept her feelings to herself and began to listen to what our mutual friend had to say about me. Over time, she learned about the person I was. She was confused, because the information didn’t match her perceptions of me. She had begun to learn things she didn’t previously know, but merely judged by what she saw. And her heart began to soften towards me.

And that’s when she decided to start praying for me.

And so she would pray. Every time she would pass by my house, at least twice a day. In the morning, and often in the afternoon. Everyday. Consistently. With an open heart and determination to pray through her feelings. And over time, her feelings for me began to grow into love. And very soon after, our friendship was born.

She is now a very important person in my life and someone I enjoy a beautiful, healthy friendship with. Ours is a friendship based on love, respect, and consideration. There is an understanding in our friendship and ease in our relationship. I love her, and I’m grateful that God brought her into my life.

And the cool thing is, I don’t even have to ask her to pray for me! I already know she is.

Ya’ll, pray works.

And just in case I ever doubted that it did, I recently got a recent firsthand reminder.

As with most things in my spiritual life, my marriage is my #1 catalyst for heart change. I have openly written about how marriage is especially difficult for an independent soul such as me and how I struggle sometimes in my role as a wife.

My husband is not without his flaws, but he is a man of character and is very good to let me be me…while at the same time, not letting me get away with things. I admit that my selfishness has gotten in the way of what God wanted to do in my life (and in my husbands) on more than one occasion. It’s a constant and daily surrender for me to give up my control and put my husband’s needs above my own. I’m ashamed to say that it just doesn’t come natural to me.

And so…several months ago, on a retreat in the mountains, God impressed upon me that I needed to give much more priority and time to praying for my husband. I knew what He meant. I had always prayed for Scotty, but more times than not it was a 2-3 sentence prayer, shoved in between all the other prayers in my daily prayer time. I knew that what He wanted from me was much more deliberate, determined, and focused prayer for my husband. In fact, I truly felt like this was my spiritual call and mission for the months to come, above everything else.

When I returned home from the retreat, I pulled out my book, The Power of a Praying Wife. It had been on my bookshelf for quite some time, but I had never bothered to open it. I started right away, with chapter one, praying for my husband, daily, and with a newfound focus. I prayed for his protection…his reputation…his faith…his walk…his parenting and even, his wife. I was deliberate and dedicated. And after a few short weeks, I began to see things happen.

After months of very little work coming in, our family construction business had taken some severe blows and was affecting Scotty in a very profound way, both emotionally and financially. But on one particular day, in my prayer book, the chapter was on praying for his work. So I did, and I was surprised at what happened. Scotty came home from work that day with an unusual bounce in his step and told me of how the office phone had been ringing all day and how they had a few new potential customers. I was thrilled to be able to tell him how I had prayed for him, specifically in the area of work that day and I could tell he was, in turn, thrilled I had prayed. It worked.

Another day, he had come down with a bug of some kind and was not feeling well. I opened up my book that morning to see what chapter I would be focusing on, and low and behold, it happened to be on his health. So I was able to pray for that need, specifically, on a day that he truly needed physical restoration. And it worked.

And other things like that have happened as I have continued in deliberate, focused prayer for my husband. Through this journey of praying for Scotty, I have watched our relationship grow and flourish. And there have been other neat results. A few weeks into my book, Scotty was so moved by my focused attention to praying for him that he went out and bought the book, The Power of a Praying Husband, to begin working through that at the same time! I cannot tell you how much it thrilled my heart to know that he was inspired to pray for me out of the obedience of my heart to first pray for him. It worked.

And it reminded me that God knows exactly what He’s doing when He prompts us to do something. He knows what the results will be when He prompts us to pray.

Yes, friends…prayer works.

And though I have sometimes questioned whether or not it does, I look to these reminders (and many others) in my life of the power of specific and deliberate prayer. Prayers of the focused kind. Prayers of the specific kind. Not generic or spasmodic. Not surfacey or insincere. But passionate. Attentive. Reverent. And uttered from a clean heart and with clean lips, seeking His way and His will and His spirit. I believe these are the kind of prayers He had in mind when He encouraged us to “pray about everything.” (Phil. 4:6)

And yet, I think sometimes when we pray and don’t get the answer we want, somewhere in the back of our minds we begin to wonder if it really works. Funny how when we get the answers we hope for, we don’t question the validity of prayer, at all. Interesting how we see it on our terms and not His.

Seeing it on His terms means praying sometimes when we don’t feel like it. It means praying for someone sometimes we don’t like. It means recognizing that prayer is not done for what we can get out of it but what we can give Him from it…our heart, our flesh, our burdens, our life. It is knowing in our heart that it works, even when we don't get the answers we are seeking.

It works.

Houston in August

For those of you who have asked about my upcoming speaking engagement in Houston, I have a little more information for you. It is on Sunday, August 10, at Champion Forest Baptist Church. If you are interested in purchasing tickets and coming, you can go to www.championforest.org and go to the "Events" section. There you will find this event listed and the ability to register and purchase tickets online. Tickets are $12 and childcare is available.

It looks like a neat event! They are having yummy mexican food and a fun fashion show put on by the staff wives. I will be sharing the message of Behind Those Eyes . Please pray for me as I prepare for this night with a new message God has laid on my heart.

And oh, by the way...if any of you know Beth Moore personally, tell her I am coming into town and would love to have lunch with her! :) (Wouldn't that be incredible?)

Well, a girl can dream. :)

Hope to see some of you in Houston!

New look, but same me! (And did I scare you off? : )

Well, what do you think of the new look? Isn't it great?

Many thanks to Jennisa, who designed a beautiful blog page for me. I love, love, love it!

Now on to why I think I might have scared you off...

From the lack of response I have gotten on my "offer" for two free books, I think I have scared you out of participating in sharing your stories! (Either that, or I should have offered you Starbucks gift cards instead! :))

I can totally understand you not wanting to share personal stories that might hurt someone else. Please know that it was not my intention to get you to share things like this. I am talking about the things -- little and big -- that happen to us everyday that are relatable and funny and thought provoking, all at the same time. Basically, the stuff of life.

I would love any little humorous story you have -- maybe something your child or a child you know said that was the truth but hurt a little bit to hear -- or something that you said to someone that was the well-meaning truth but might have hurt them a little bit in the process. (Like a few years ago when someone said my new haircut looked like a wig.) Things like that. I really had humorous stories in mind when I wrote my last post, but I didn't communicate that very well! (Sorry -- for those of you who commented or emailed me with your serious stories, please know that I appreciate them and may ask you to use them in something else down the road!) If you read my new book, the opening story in the book is a perfect example of a humorous story where the truth hurt a little!

And if you are reading this post and are totally confused as to what I'm talking about in the first place, it's a sign to you that you should go back and read my last post! :)

Thanks for the grace, friends! Does anyone else out there relate to me when I say I make sense to myself alot more than I make sense to anyone else most days?!

More on Monday...

Some long overdue updates and an offer I hope you won’t refuse!

Hey Friends!

First, let me acknowledge that I am officially part of the “forget to fill you in” club. Yes, I have become one of those annoying people who leave you hanging and left to wonder. I recognize that I owe you some long overdue updates on a few things I have blogged about in the recent past, so let me get right to it. (For those of you who weren’t tuned in to this blog at the time, please stick around to read about an offer I hope you won’t refuse! :))

In my reference to Kris Lawing in my last post, I realized I hadn’t updated you lately on his condition. Because he has a team of people who are closer to him than I am, I thought I’d simply refer you to his caringbridge site for you to read for yourself. I do know that he has been in the hospital the past few days after having an additional procedure and is still in his battle with cancer. Please keep Kris and his family in your thoughts and join me in praying for God’s sovereignty in this situation. Many of you have posted messages on his guest book, and he has told me personally how much this has meant to him. You blog-friends rock!

I also mentioned my sister, Jen, in my last post. As you can read here, Jen is a 25-year- old wife and mom who has recently been diagnosed with MS. After seeing a neurologist who specializes in this disorder, Jen has finally decided on a treatment option that best suits her. So…after getting the insurance details worked out (the medication is astronomically expense) this week, she will begin her treatments. Please be in prayer for Jen and her family as she travels down this unknown road and manages her condition. She is truly the sweetest of souls, and, needless to say, means the world to me.

Several of you have asked about our personal Biggest Loser competition among some of our couple friends. Well, let’s just say that we were a bunch of “losers” with this, but not in the weight category. :( We did pretty well for a few months but did not lose the weight any of us wanted to. Seems we prefer meeting over a Starbucks Strawberries and Cream with a shot of Mocha and talking about how we want to lose weight to actually going out and trying to lose it. Hence, I am back at the drawing board and still wanting to lose those 23 pounds I’ve gained. Sigh.

On a positive note, I will be embarking on a new fitness journey, as three of my friends and I are taking tennis lessons, starting in a few weeks. What is the sudden interest in tennis, you might ask? Well, I have to say that I have wanted to learn to play tennis for a long time but never had friends who were as bad as me at it to have to play with. (Sorry, girls. :() And it’s not what you’re thinking…I’ll have you know that I have only mentioned to one of them how very cute tennis outfits are ONE TIME. So it’s not entirely about the tennis outfits. (Ok, maybe just a small side perk.) Those of you who have read about my goals for good health and weight loss in the past, I can almost hear the skepticism in your mind right now, as you read this post. But hey – once I can actually look decent in the tennis skirt, I will post a picture of me in one. THEN you will believe me! :)

And now…without a clever segway in sight…I present to you the offer I hope you won’t refuse!

I am traveling to Houston, TX, in a few weeks to speak to a group of women at a large church there. As I am getting my message together, (for some reason, God prompted me to write a new message for this event...again!) I find myself needing another story about telling the truth and how the truth sometimes hurts. It can be a funny story or a child story or whatever story you want to share, but I’d love for you to share your true stories about this with me! I know you’ve got some good ones!

And for the one I choose to use, I will send you a two-book set of my books, The 7 Hardest Things God Asks a Woman to Do and Behind Those Eyes: What’s Really Going on Inside the Souls of Women! (valued at $25.00) Two for the price of one story…hopefully that is a deal you can’t refuse! Please feel free to tell your bloggy friends about this, as well. I’d love to have maximum participation. I’ll post the winner sometime next week.

And on the Houston note, please say a prayer for me as I go and share the message of Behind Those Eyes. I am speaking on Sunday, August 10, in the evening. I can’t wait to hear what God has to say to all of us!

Oh, and one more thing. Don’t be surprised if you visit my blog in the coming weeks and see that it had a major face lift! I’m finally getting someone who actually knows about blog design to do one for me. I’ve peeked at it, and it is looking awesome! It will have some new features that several of you have asked for, like an opportunity to subscribe to my blog. Thanks for the interest!

Well, friends…that is about all for now. I will post again on Monday with another question in my series. That is, if I survive the diet I just started yesterday. (Sigh.)

Again.

Lisa

Question Series: Week #5: Have I gone there?

“My eyes have grown dim with grief; my whole frame is but a shadow.”
Job 17:7

If ever anyone was a griever, Job was. In fact, had Job known he was going to have to lose all his money, his health, and even his family in order to get a book of the Bible named after him, I suspect he might have passed on the offer. He sure had to endure some heavy stuff for his name to go down in history.

Job knew intimately what most of us, at this point on our journey, know, too...

Sometimes life just doesn’t go the way we want it to.

On the life spectrum, this can mean many things, from the more minute to the most monumental. The more minute might include taking a burnt roast out of the oven as the doorbell rings and company arrives for dinner. Seeing a cute hairstyle in the magazine and asking your stylist to cut it that way, just to find out it looks better on the model in the magazine. A rained out picnic. A surprise party that goes south. Unexpected dental work followed by a really large and unexpected dental bill. A car that won’t start.

These things are disappointing, yes. But are they truly grief-worthy?

I doubt it.

It should be noted here that Job would have probably jumped at the chance to have any of these life inconveniences happen to him. After all, when you are facing issues that have the potential to rock you to your core and change your life forever, you opt for the slightly less tragic door #2. You’ve peeked, and you already know what’s behind door #1.

Loss of health. Loss of love. Loss of life. Missed opportunities. Total life letdowns. Should have been, could have been, would have been. Almost. Not quite. Never will be. Period. End of story. Major life experiences that impact you forever. Things you would never wish on someone, and that includes yourself. A state of being that includes hurt, disappointment, denial, and yes…grief.

It’s not a very pretty picture.

But it is a very real picture of life.

This morning, as I am coming off of a Sunday Bible study lesson in the book of Ezekiel, I find myself reflecting on the question, “Have I gone there? Have I really let myself grieve?”

At first, it seems like a funny question to ask myself when I haven’t lost anyone I love recently. The truth is, I haven’t had anything overwhelmingly bad enough happen to me lately to cause me to want to tear my clothes, shave my head or take a piece of something really sharp and broken and run it across my body to relieve pain. (All things, by the way, Job did in his grief.)

But I have had things in my life that I needed to grieve over. I have had times in my life that bad things happened to me or someone I loved…things I didn’t understand or appreciate. I have had losses and pain and letdowns and sorry endings. I have had things that exceeded just being a bummer and could be gotten over easily.

I have had to look my sin in the face and call it what it is. I have had to go to bed at night wishing I would wake up in a different place, at a different time, in a different life circumstance. I have cried in a closet. I have worried about tomorrow.

Because sometimes, that is just life.

Just ask Kris Lawing.

Or my sister, Jen.

Or the man himself, Job.

If any of us live for very long, we face things we need to grieve over. Because of the fallen world we live in, it is just a reality of life. Life is not always roses or daisies or even, carnations. But life has to be kept on living.

So, we choose to live. But first, often, we need to grieve.

This doesn’t mean we spend our time in a fetal position, curled up in a state of despair or hopelessness. As my good friend, Amy, says, hope is a choice. It is a choice to press on…live on…love on…

…and look at tomorrow with God-colored glasses.

And grieving is a part of that.

Grieving is acknowledging that life is not always good and things that happen do not always seem fair. Grieving is seeing our missed opportunities, our dreams that haven’t been realized, our goals that are unachieved and our hurts that have been worn in our hearts for what they are. Grieving is letting go of the would have beens, should have beens, and wished they’d have beens for what is real and true and parked right under our noses. Grieving is letting go of the past to focus on the future. Grieving is saying it is what it is, and though I don’t love it, I can’t change it. Grieving is prayers of honesty, integrity and maybe even, anguish. Grieving is Godly sorrow over sin. Grieving is letting yourself go there, even if you’d rather stuff it inside for a while longer. Grieving is real, and grieving is good.

Because of what comes after.

“I'll convert their weeping into laughter, lavishing comfort, invading their grief with joy.” Jeremiah 31:13 (the Message)

Often…

Crying precedes laughing.

Pain precedes comfort.

and…

Grieving precedes a beautiful invasion of joy.

It’s not that we want to go there; it’s just that sometimes…we need to. We have to so we can move on to the really good stuff.

Lisa

Sweet Pursuit, Love and Random Thoughts

Two verses stuck out to me today as I am wading through the incredible book of Deuteronomy...I wanted to share them with you...

I'm reminded of the beautiful way God pursues us when we try to run away from Him in this verse...

"Though you are at the ends of the earth, the Lord your God will go and find you and bring you back again." (30:4)

And I'm reminded of the truth about love in this verse and how it is a choice, not a feeling...

"Choose to love the Lord your God to obey him and commit yourself to Him, for He is your life." (30:20)

I don't know who these verses are for, but I know they spoke to my heart. As I have often been a "runner," in my life, the thought of God running after me time and again makes me remember just what pure and holy love looks like. And then to choose to love Him back, even when my feelings don't match what is inside my heart, brings me back to what my last post was all about: choosing to love God is choosing to offer Him my best, no matter what I want to do at the moment. If I say He is my life, I will be willing to back it up with my actions.

Just a few of my random thoughts today.
Lisa :)

Question Series: Week #4: Is this the best I've got?

I can vividly remember the way my youth pastor at church used to pray. Even now, I can picture the way he looked when he spoke to the Father in the midst of our little holy church huddle. With one eye cracked open, I would watch him almost every time.

His eyes tightly shut, he would tilt his face upward, as if looking at Someone through closed eyelids. He would sway sometimes, back and forth, with a half smile on his closed lips. I can remember the way his voice would sound when he would pray – bold…honest…convinced…and madly in love with the One he was talking to. Innately, I knew he meant every word he said. Watching him pray, my overwhelming teenaged thought was always the same…

I don’t think I’ll ever pray like that man. But I wish I could.

I admit, I was envious of his ability to pray in such a way that I knew he meant it. I guess what I was really envious of was the kind of relationship he had with God that would cause him to be able to pray like that in the first place. It was the one I always wanted to have but wasn’t sure I ever would.

It was the same kind of feeling I would have when someone would tell me they craved more of God or longed for God or hungered after the Word. It was the way I felt when I would read Scripture like Psalm 42:1, “As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God.”

Longing for God? Craving God? Panting for Him? What did all of it mean?

I wasn’t sure. But what I was sure of was that I didn’t. And I didn’t know why.

I was ashamed to admit that even the concept of craving God was a bit foreign to me. But even in my teenaged mind, I knew enough to know it wasn’t something that could be taught. If it were so, I would have already learned. After all, I was practically born in a church pew. I knew all the acrostics and catchy word pictures to prayer and all the Christianese and buzzwords to use to impress someone with my knowledge of Scripture. I knew what I was supposed to say and how I was supposed to feel.

But I also knew enough to know that wasn’t enough. It wasn’t “it.”

It was years later that I would find out just what that “it” was and what it was all about. It wasn’t anything fancy, nor was it anything profound or something I could learn my way into. There was just one thing missing to my life and my relationship with God that kept me from praying and meaning it -- from my longings and cravings for God.

Very simply, I wasn’t giving him my best.

Oh, I was giving Him my kind-of best. I was giving Him my runner up best. I was definitely giving Him my Sunday best. But it wasn’t my best-best. It wasn’t the kind of best that allows a person to pray like my youth pastor prayed.

And He wanted more of me.

He wanted me to love Him like I had never loved anyone before. He wanted me to desire Him like no desire I had ever had before. He wanted me to crave Him like the strongest craving I had ever had before. But there wasn’t anything He could do to get me to feel those spiritual urgings. He had already done enough. The rest was was all up to me.

It was up to me to choose to give Him my best.

What that meant, was no more half-hearted living. No more clinched fists or “maybes.” No more things to control. No more means to my end. It would mean lots of questions and self-inventory and “yes’s” instead of “nos.” It would mean an uncluttered heart and a single mindedness and a death to self and a release of control.

I would have to give Him best.

And then, it would mean cravings like never before. Longings like none other. Hunger pains to trump all other hunger pains. It would mean sheer abandon and beautiful impulse and crazy, insane amounts of love.

And yes, prayers coming from a heart that meant them.

Though I now know what this kind of love and meaning requires, the question “Is this the best I’ve got?” is a question I still often ask God and myself. Even now, when my prayers feel stale and my longings are seen heading in the wrong direction, I have to re-visit the question.

And when I do, I find out that I am offering Him less than my best.

And then I have to, once again, unclench my fists...take the padlock off my heart... and present my little and my much to Him to do with what He wants.

Lisa

Too Much Truth to Keep to Myself

Hi friends!

I had no real intention of posting the rest of this week, to be honest. My week (like many of yours) has been full and crazy and a bit stressful. I was up working towards a writing deadline tonight when I came across a passage of Scripture that struck me in a new and fresh way. I couldn't help but think of many of you who have shared your heart with me this week...friends like Kris Lawing who I am praying for...and yes, even myself. There is so much truth in this passage that I could not pass up the opportunity to share it with you on this post. Anything I would write today would not compare on any level to the richness and beauty of this passage. There is truly nothing like the inspired, infallible Word of God. May it speak to you today, as it did me, tonight.


Psalm 51: 7-15 (The Message)

Soak me in your laundry and I'll come out clean,
scrub me and I'll have a snow-white life.
Tune me in to foot-tapping songs,
set these once-broken bones to dancing.
Don't look too close for blemishes,
give me a clean bill of health.
God, make a fresh start in me,
shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life.
Don't throw me out with the trash,
or fail to breathe holiness in me.
Bring me back from gray exile,
put a fresh wind in my sails!
Give me a job teaching rebels your ways
so the lost can find their way home.
Commute my death sentence, God, my salvation God,
and I'll sing anthems to your life-giving ways.
Unbutton my lips, dear God;
I'll let loose with your praise.

Soak it in, friends.
Lisa