An Honest Blog

I have learned, over time, not to try to write something significant when I don’t have it on my heart to write.

Don’t get me wrong – it’s not that God is not showing me anything. I would misrepresent the past few weeks if I were to imply that. But it just that there are those times that so much is in my heart that I am not sure exactly how to let it come out and have it make much sense to someone else. It’s in those times that I just have to acknowledge that I may not write the kind of blog I really want to sit down and write – one that is pressing on my heart and flows with great meaning and some sort of spiritual insight is offered to the reader. Today is one of those times and this blog is not one of those {greatly insightful} blogs.

I’m trying to be ok with it.

Because, you see, my blog and blog readers are important to me. It took me a long time to be willing to share my heart in such an honest way with people who could access it any time they wanted by a click of a mouse. I resisted it, wildly, at first. But it has truly been one of the most amazing blessings in my life – between the people I have met and the ones who read anonymously but share in my life, and everyone in between. All of you mean a great deal to me, if I haven’t told you so lately. ☺

And so, I don’t want to let you down now that you’re here.

I’ve thought about taking a blogging break, simply because I would rather not have you coming here to expect something to be worth your time to read and instead get sporadic details about my crazy, busy life when your life is crazy, busy, too, and you sacrifice something to even show up here in the first place. But my heart just won’t let me do that, for some reason. So I hold on to this blogging thing I love, praying for wisdom to know when and if to pause from it for a season.

But that day is not today. So for today (which I’m learning to live for), here’s what I’m gonna do.

I’m gonna just be honest and say I am very stretched right now – emotionally, physically, spiritually, creatively. My role of wife and mother to three has not stopped since adding a title of pastor’s wife, church launcher, She Seeks coordinator, and author of a forthcoming 3rd book, et al.

I’m gonna admit to you that I am way behind in my email correspondence, a fact those of you who have written to me and haven’t heard back already know. (So sorry, friends. ☹)

I’m gonna tell you that I am frustrated at the relationships I want to pour more into but can’t, simply because I am responsible to do things that effect more than just me.

I’m gonna acknowledge that I have spent a good bit of the past two months asking God why in the world He has so much for me to do and why in the world He seems to think I can do it.

I’m gonna tell you that I am tired. And, by the way, so is my brain.

I’m gonna just tell the truth about my very crazy, busy life. I’m not gonna sugar coat it or make you believe I am able to juggle all this seamlessly and without any tears, questions or blown off steam. (Thank you, treadmill ☺)

I know you can relate to me.

So know from the get-go that I’m not writing anything in this blog that will blow you away with insight. The simple and not-at-all clever title of this blog should have tipped you off to that. But since I have already determined that you relate to me (assuming, yes), I do want to share with you a few things God is reminding me of, in the midst of all the craziness of my life in the hopes that they may be of some help to you, as well. They are my spiritual silver linings, and they are in no particular order or clarity.

1) Don’t take daily time with God out of the equation, just because it seems like it would, at times, be easier to. {I need Him, not the other way around.}

2) Do what I can do and acknowledge what I can’t. {Which happens to be a lot these days.}

3) Be ok with sacrificing things and even, people, for the most important relationship in my life. {Admittedly, this is a tough one for me.}

4) Remember what this whole life thing is really all about. {Temporary highs and lows with a steady and sure eternal end.}

5) Please God and let everyone else think what they want. {Another tough one for me, but I'm slowly getting it.}

6) Cry, if needed. {There’s a reason that lump in my throat is there.}

7) Know that I won’t ever go anywhere or go through anything that will take me off His radar screen for even a second. {I still can’t fathom the fact that I am always on His mind. So are you, by the way.}

8) Look for things to get rid of that don’t facilitate growth in my relationship with God and keep me from personal health and wellness. {This requires wisdom, friends. It also requires courage.}

9) Appreciate people who love me. {Honestly, sometimes I’m not sure why anyone would want to hang out with me.}

10) Pray like crazy. {Period.}

And yes, there are more. But because I am trying to exercise numbers 2, 8, and 9, I simply must make that all for now. :)

While it may not be what you came by here expecting, I pray that you found something in this post to encourage you today…this week…right now. It’s a crazy, busy life for us, friends. But if we live with #4 in mind, we can make our way through all the madness life inevitably brings. For I am convinced that sometimes it takes all the madness life offers to bring us to the point where we have no other choice but to start looking up. Oh, it's good when we do that.

“Blessed be the Lord— day after day he carries us along. He's our Savior, our God, oh yes! He's God-for-us, he's God-who-saves-us.” (Psalm 68:19 The Msg)