Seriously, whatever.

I absolutely love the inspirational entry this week on She Seeks.

Not because it is well-written, though it is.

Not because it is insightful, though it is.

And not because I relate to the specific struggle my friend, Heather, writes about in her battle with brain cancer.

{Because, by the grace of God, I do not.}

But because of this, Heather’s first statement of her post:

“I’m sitting here, trying to think about how to put my heart into words, but the only thing that comes out is ‘Whatever, Lord.’ ”

I love this line because I myself, am at a “whatever, Lord” stage in my life. I relate to not being able to put my heart into words, and I relate to the only thing that I can really say to God in a raw, real way lately is, “whatever, Lord.”

I’ve found them to be among the most powerful of words.

Now you need to know that I am not the most compliant of all His kids, to be sure. In fact, I have had my picture on many a heavenly “runaway” milk cartons in my day. Trust me when I say that everything (and I do mean e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g) within me begs to continue to do things my way. On a daily basis it seems, I want to continue to put my own, controlled spiritual notches on my belt without having to deal with the discomfort of being misunderstood, misrepresented or physically inconvenienced on my faith journey. The funny thing about God is, I’ve found that He doesn’t typically beg me to see things His way. Instead, He lets me run my own agenda and waits until I ask Him to mop up the horrendous mess my independence has made. Just how big of a mess it creates is determined by how long I run it before I get on my knees and say to Him…

“Whatever, Lord.”

These words for me don’t come easy. I am not good at giving up control. Even now, I want to qualify my “whatever” with some element of restraint -- some “I will if you will first do this’s”…some “I’ll try but I can’t promise it’ll happen’s”…and some “I can do this but not that’s.” The bottom line is that I still stinkin’ want so much for God to do things my way so I can be downright managerial with my relationships and feelings and live in my world of "self protection." It's not that it works out better for me, it's just that it's so...familiar...so comfortable. And in that moment, so much easier.

But always, in the end, I know that the life I have chosen is the one that says, “Whatever, Lord.” And while I don’t know what “whatever, Lord” will mean 10 hours or 10 years from now, I do know that the life of surrender is the only one I am able to live since I gave Him my heart at the age of 6 in the worship center of my daddy's church in the small, sleepy town of Enid, Oklahoma.

I can run. {and I have tried.}

I can hide. {done that, too.}

I can wrestle and I can control. {got the t-shirt, blue ribbon and trophy all to show for it.}

But I was not made to live, running my own agenda. In the end, they have proven to just be really messy. But I was made to come back to my Creator after my moments of running, lift my palms up and say…

“Whatever, Lord.”

Whatever that means.

It simply has to be, "whatever."

Matthew 6:9-10 -- " Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.”