I Don't Want to Know

As I type this, there are things I don’t want to know.

This statement shocks even me, seeing as how I am a girl who likes to know the when, where, how and what of basically everything in my life. I admit, I don’t like surprises. No, not even at Christmas…and yes, I do shake the presents. ☺

But over the past several years, God has shown me much more of Himself by NOT filling me in on all the information. I haven’t always liked it, but He hasn’t seemed to mind. And I can honestly say that my lack of information has resulted in the growth it takes to say in this blog that there are things I now don’t want to know. I say it, and friends, I mean it.

I wasn’t always like this. I had my life planned out pretty early on, as a matter of fact. I was gonna fall madly in love with a doctor, have three or four kids, and live safely in suburbia with my faith tucked neatly under my arm. I would pull it out when I needed it, of course. But mainly I was just glad to have it for myself.

Which is why I know God has His Almighty eye on me. And I’m convinced He smiles at all the ironies of all my well laid-out plans.

Such is in the case of the latest great irony of my life: the launching of a church called Thrive Church Charlotte. The pastor of such a great body of believers is one fortunate guy. He’s a strong leader with massive gifts and the ability to communicate timeless truths from God’s Word in a very real and relatable way. I’m fortunate to get to sit under such a man. It’s just that it puts me in quite a position, since he is my husband.

(The non-doctor, by the way.) ☺

It is a role I never anticipated or if I’m being brutally honest, ever wanted. Don’t get me wrong. It’s a high calling and an honor to be the wife of a pastor of a church. I just didn’t think it was something I would ever be. My qualifications fall very short, I’m afraid. Though I admit, I DO play the piano. ☺

But this new role in my life is yet another example of things in my life I probably shouldn’t know ahead of time. It just wouldn’t have been a good idea, and God knew it. Instead, He prepared me in ways I never saw as preparation and got me to a place of surrender in my life that my heart wouldn’t let me take back no matter what the circumstance. I’ve wanted to, friends. But I just can’t.

And so, here I sit, knowing that what lies ahead of me is much bigger than a safe-seeking suburban mom ever anticipated. You see, I’ve lived in a glass house for most of my life. I’ve seen the highs and lows of ministry life and lived the life where the hardest thing to do some days is to get someone to see you like everyone else. I’ve been the pastor’s daughter. My father has even weathered more than one ministry storm. And to ask a person who has sat through more than one heated church meeting as a relative of the pastor to get back into a role of scrutiny and responsibility is to ask someone to risk some of the deepest hurts a person could ever know. The life of a pastor’s family is rich, indeed. It is beautiful and it is full. But it is also a life that few truly understand.

And therein lies my heart, poured out in this blog.

And yet, there’s more. Because the truth is that to get this stubborn girl to agree to a role this large is to move a mountain, in and of itself. If people only knew about the tears. If they only knew about the clenched fists that had to be opened and then turned up. If people only knew about the insecurities and fears and weariness and sense of responsibility. If people only knew my heart.

They would know. What this is all about.

But if they don’t, it’s ok. Because…He does.

And everything else…they…and I…just don’t need to know.

I made a promise to God when He began to bless my writing that I would never use my gift to hurt anyone or write anything negatively of them. I feel a strong sense of responsibility to only lift the body of believers up, and that, I pray I will always do. I believe in the core of my soul that God will not bless one who uses their gifts to manipulate or harm another, and further, I believe He will take them away from a person who does. God willing, I will never be that person.

And so, this blog is not about those things.

This blog is about finding out things I need to know when God thinks I can handle them. It’s about trusting He knows me better than I know myself, because I’m not all too sure I am the right girl for this job.

It’s about resting in His plan for my life, which now includes moving back into a glass house and continuing on my journey to be real and authentic, no matter who is watching. Praise God He lives in the glass house with me.

This one thing I know…I am sure gonna need Him a lot.

Vertical Thinking

God used my new friend, Jamie, to snap me back into reality the other day.

A young man of privilege, Jamie shared with my husband and me what he does to help “keep it real” in his life, despite his ready access to things. He told us of volunteering at the homeless shelter and why he picked that particular ministry. His desire to stay above the fray was encapsulated in one simple, yet profound sentence… “I do this because it’s really hard to go out and buy myself a new pair of shoes when I’ve just been with someone who has literally nothing.”

I’ve had a few days to think about this statement and I just can’t get it out of my head. It’s not about a particular burden for the homeless, though I do have one. But it’s about much more, for me. It’s about the bigger picture of life and how sometimes I get caught up in my concerns, fears and hurts and suddenly find myself diving into a pool of "me." Which is why Jamie’s statement was so impactful that I can’t stop thinking about it.

For me what it’s about is the reminder that when I focus on Jesus and fill my mind and heart with Him, it’s hard to have much time left to have a self obsession. I, like most of us, begin acting in the flesh when I focus on mine. I think about my fears…my worries…my hurts…and then I react by slipping further down into a place where problems seem bigger than life and the reality of who Jesus Christ is despite all of it is minimized and nearly forgotten.

But when I think about Jesus, the great One…the Best of the Best and worthy of all of my praise and attention…it becomes much less about me and all about Him.

I see that Jeremiah shared my sentiments.

“All this is nothing compared to you, O God. You're wondrously great, famously great. Who can fail to be impressed by you, King of the nations? It's your very nature to be worshipped! Look far and wide among the elite of the nations. The best they can come up with is nothing compared to you.” (Jeremiah 10:6-9) MSG

Today, I think about Jesus. And when I do, my spirit craves to know more about this One who rescues me from a focus on things that just don’t compare.

The Push

Sometimes I need a little push up the hill just to keep going.

I was thinking about this while torturing myself on the treadmill yesterday. Because I love visuals and generally need pictures to understand most things (I’m kinda simple that way ☺)…AND because I kept trying to pull from a place of inspiration while torturing myself on the treadmill…my mind immediately took me back to an episode of The Biggest Loser I watched not long ago.

It was a tough challenge for the contestants, and one involving a hill. Though difficult for everyone, one of the heaviest men was having a particularly hard time getting up the hill, and everyone knew it. Right as he was beginning to really struggle, someone came up behind him and applied their strength to his will, pushing him with both hands on his back until he finally got to the top. It was a great t.v. moment and an even better “life” moment for me, from the view from my bonus room recliner.

And so…on the treadmill torturing myself…I thought back to that episode and how applicable it was to my life right now. I won’t lie to you. This past week was a tough one for me. Emotionally, spiritually, physically…in every way. My soul has been weary. There are some huge ministry undertakings in front of me and I am tired, just thinking about them. Thankful. Humbled. But tired.

This blog is about real life, ya’ll, and I’m living it. My life is blessed. But it is not perfect.

Not only has this been a tough week, but in the past few weeks I have been taking needed inventory into how I spend my time and what things I might need to cut out in order to save my sanity and be truly effective for the Kingdom and to my family. In my personal analysis, I have to admit to you that one of the thoughts I have had was whether or not I should continue on with my blog. Don’t get me wrong…I love communicating with you, my friends, this way. I love sharing my heart and things God impresses on me to put out there. (And please know that I am not looking for personal endorsements here ☺). Truly, I am honored you take time to read anything I have to say and I pray that it in some way draws you to the One who is the source of anything good in my life. But I wouldn’t be wise if I didn’t evaluate from time to time if it merited keeping up with.

And this week, I really wondered.

Combined with the rough week and the ministry endeavors in front of me, my wondering left me weakened and in a serious place of contemplation.

And then came the push, from an unexpected source.

All the way from Canada, I received an email from a woman, requesting me to come and speak. She wrote of being a church planter and the incredible vision she and her husband have to reach a different type of person than might be on the cover of Good Christian Magazine(were there such a one). Immediately, I shared her passion and her heart. But what came next touched me in ways she probably never expected…

She wrote of a fall sabbatical she and her family took through Europe and how reading my blog every week was like “water for the soul” while she was away from other family and friends. She expressed how much she needed that and how it blessed her life. I don’t know if she meant to encourage me, but she did. In fact, she did even more. She watered MY soul by her sweet words of affirmation. What she wrote touched me in just the right places at just the right time.

Her words…His push.

Just what I needed to get up my momentary life “hill.”

And I remembered that it is ok to be tired. And it’s ok to take inventory. And it’s even ok to feel like I can’t do anything more. Because that’s the time that He can show just how much He can.

{ “my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." II Corinthians 12:19}

I write all this to come to this conclusion. Friends, keep going. Never stop working for the Kingdom, even when you want to. Put one step in front of the other and move forward. You never know whose life you might be influencing or who you may be inspiring. You will NEVER know if you stop.

I’m taking my own counsel, by the way. Thanks to my moment on the treadmill…my friend from Canada…and God knowing just when to give me that little push.

She Seeks -- Part II

Good Morning!

Thank you so much for your responses to my last blog post. I'm so excited for how I already see God working in this new ministry venture! My heart is stirred, and I am ever-so-grateful for the opportunity to be used by Him to minister to this young professional age of 18-30. As so many of you have voiced, this is the age where many of us veered off course and needed insight, counsel and encouragement. It's our greatest desire to provide this and more through the ministry of She Seeks!

I am posting today a note I posted this week on Facebook. It is a little long, but if you are interested in being a part of this ministry, you will want to take the time to read it.

One more thing. You will notice in this post some questions I am encouraging you to ask women of this age that you come into contact with. After I posted these, God really sat on my heart and challenged me to back up and ask you to first answer these questions for yourself. I am doing the same. If we are to truly be able to minister to this group, we have to first know who we are, where we are coming from, and how we can be used to minister.

So...with no further ado...the note...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wow.

That's the feeling I have from all the responses I have gotten since posting about my new ministry endeavor several weeks ago. You have emailed, posted comments, and most of all, shared your heart and passion with me in such a way that I see the hand of God all over this! Thank you for wanting to reach young women and influence them to choose Jesus. The truth is, they live in a world that tells them otherwise.

As a favorite author of mine says..."You are most fully alive when you are on an adventure with God." (Erwin McManus, The Barbarian Way) I hope you are ready to start this adventure and anticipate what God wants to do in you and through your willingness to get involved in the hurts and needs of others. Friends, trust me when I tell you that you will never regret it, no matter what small sacrifice of time or energy it may require.

Kingdom impact. That is what She Seeks is all about. Hope. Understanding. Passion. Truth. The pursuit of a relationship with the only One who can give RELEVANCE to this life.

Speaking of RELEVANCE...this is a word you will be seeing often with this ministry. I firmly believe that the way we reach this group of women is to offer them RELEVANCE for the issues that effect their lives. We MUST reach them right where they are, in an honest and straightforward way. We MUST tell them the truth and not be afraid to speak with conviction, but coated with love. They will know our hearts AND our Jesus by the way we respond to their needs.

Having said that, many of you have asked what you can be doing while we get all our ducks in a row to officially launch this ministry. First, let me tell you where we are and when you can expect to see this "baby" be born! :)

Our goal is to launch within (3) months, with the blog/website being up and running first. I am in the process of beginning to meet with the graphics person from P31 to firm up these plans and see this happen! In the meantime, I am meeting with women in this age group and asking them some questions to attach myself to the issues that are RELEVANT to them. If you have access to women in this young professional age (or are one, yourself!), I would love it if you would get together with some of them...take them to lunch...or send an email to them to pick their brain and ask them some of those questions to help me in my research. Some of those questions are...

~What are your top 3 needs right now in your life?
~What are the top 3-5 issues you face on a daily basis?
~What things/people/sources do you seek when making a major life decision?
~What qualities make up the kind of relationships are you the most drawn to?
~What is your current view of God? (see Him as a Father, friend, good person, no opinion or tie to Him at all)
~What kind of person do you respect? why?
~Do you believe in living with a purpose? Do you have one? Why or why not?
~What are your dreams/passions/goals? What might hold you back from those?
~What is your current view of church/church people?
~Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
~What do you want the most out of life?

Of course, the list could go on. But these are some questions to at least get you started. When you ask them, listen to their responses without judgment or fear. Remember...we must know what is RELEVANT to this group so we can know how best to minister to their needs.

Some of you have already submitted devos, and please, keep them coming! I am collecting them now and will plug them in once we launch. I will need a good surplus to get us started, so continue to submit. Some of you have asked about format. While I have not determined all the phrasing to use for the devos, I can give you an idea of how to structure them so you will know how to write. You can email all submissions to me at sheseeks@proverbs31.org.

~Title
~Your Name and a less than 10 word way to describe why you care, how Jesus has changed your life, or what former thing you struggled with or still struggle with -- no titles or formal "bio" statements, please (i.e., Lisa Whittle -- Loves good hugs and people who tell me the truth)
~Short statistic on your topic (if applicable)
~Body: 350-500 words
~Relevant Scripture (It's all relevant, but to your topic. :)
~Relevant Additional Resources
~Now what? (a specific motivating statement or inspirational counsel for the young woman to do next)

And one more thing...I need all the help with research I can get. If you come across a quote or statistic, etc., please send them my way. I truly believe that when we join our hearts and heads, we can have the influence on this group that may well make a difference in their lives.

And most of all, keep praying! There is much to do.

On the SEEKING journey with you!

And Then Give a Little More

Hi Friends!

Though I am a day late, as promised, I am posting tonight about the new ministry endeavor that has been keeping me busy over the past few weeks! (I have a feeling it is not going to get any LESS busy in the months ahead, by the way.) For my Facebook friends, this is not new information to you but is what I wrote in a note several weeks ago. For my bloggy friends, I look forward to sharing my heart with you through this post.

Please pray with me and for me as I begin a new chapter of my journey. I don't know exactly where the Father is taking me through all this, but what I do know for sure is that I never want to get to the place where I sit dormant and neglect using my gifts for the Kingdom. I desire to keep challenging myself in my relationship with God even when I think I can't possibly give any more. I want to go farther and pursue Him harder. And I want never to stop touching the lives of women God allows me the opportunity to encounter through my ministry. It is a high privilege and huge passion for me.

As a simple word of encouragement to you...if you are sitting on the fence today, would you consider jumping off, onto the side where God can use your life in a way that surprises even you? He wants to, you know. Remember..."you are most fully alive when you are on an adventure with God." (Thank you, Erwin McManus.) I, for one, am counting on it.


And now...the note...


Girlfriends,

I am so excited to share with you what God has been putting together as what I believe will be a powerful partnership. As you know, I have been involved in women’s ministry for the past 11 years serving in both volunteer and for-profit positions. My heartbeat is to influence women to pursue a life of truth and authenticity as they use their gifts and passions for Kingdom work. It is my personal mission statement and something I believe with every fiber of my being God has called me to do!

After coordinating large women’s events, implementing new start-up ministries for women, and been given both the privilege and platform to write and speak to women all across the country (and even other parts of the world!), I now believe God is asking me to go a little farther…stretch myself even more…and live beyond my comfort zone as I seek to use my gifts and passions for the Kingdom.

Which is what brings me to what I share with you today. I can hardly contain my excitement as I share it in this note!

Starting immediately, I am going to be partnering with Proverbs 31 Ministries and Executive Director, LeAnn Rice, to help launch a new branch of the ministry called She Seeks. She Seeks is a ministry geared toward young women, ages 18-28, who desire to be ministered to with all the resources P31 offers, but within their age group and in a relevant way, customized to their specific needs. These young women may be single, in college or just graduated, young professional, and maybe living on their own for the first time in their young adult life. My passion runs deep for this group of women, as I have seen firsthand how hungry they are for truth and the desire to just be real. Like many of you, I have walked where they walk and worn their same shoes. I know what a crucial time it is in their spiritual development and decision-making. I know how hard Satan would love to get them off course and stifled in their relationship with the Father so they will be later filled with regret, fear, and shame. I know, because I myself have lived it. And so have many of you.

Friends, this group needs our support.

What support do they need? I’m so glad you asked. ☺ They need spiritual support and encouragement, which is why She Seeks will be offering online devotionals that will be read by thousands of subscribers every week. They need mentorship, which is why She Seeks will offer online connections with spiritual supporters who can give both counsel and encouragement when needed. They need connections, which is why She Seeks will be hosting both large and small-scale events geared specifically toward this age group and their specific life issues. Most of all, they need to know someone cares. This is why now…why us…why She Seeks.

As we launch this new ministry endeavor, you can help in some specific ways. First and most important, you can pray. Obviously, this ministry cannot grow without your prayer support. As well, we need some people to be willing to be called upon to serve in a volunteer capacity, as the elements of the ministry evolves. We don’t know exactly what all these volunteer positions will encompass at this time, but we do know is that we need PEOPLE to make this work and work effectively. And maybe most immediate, we need those of you who have a gift of writing who would be willing to commit to write at least one devotional a month for our blog/online devos. Not only would this be an amazing opportunity for you to be a part of a thriving national ministry, but it would also be a way for you to gain experience in your craft and use your gifts and talents to touch many hearts.

As you pray about partnering with us to help launch this ministry, will you consider a few things?

~Is this an age group you are passionate about ministering to? Why?

~Are your gifts and passions things that could be of benefit to this age group?

~Do you believe God wants you to use your gifts and talents to touch the lives of young women you may not otherwise get the opportunity to interact with?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, would you please consider being a part of the She Seeks/Proverbs 31 team? Kingdom work defies geographical location, personality type, size, shape and color. It crosses all boundaries of marital status and socioeconomic situation. It is my strongest belief that joining hands to have a greater influence on people blesses the very heart of God. That is why I am joining the She Seeks team. Will you?

Journeying with you!

Stayin' Alive

It's been an interesting day, to say the least.

As I write this I am just moments removed from having watched the movie Nights in Rodanthe, which has nothing at all to do with this blog, except for the fact that I cried my eyes out watching it and look like a complete raccoon right now. It's times like these that I'm so glad you can't see me through this blessed computer screen. It would scare you, sweet friends, believe me.

But the way I look right now is not the only thing that scared me today. Right before heading to bed my 11-year-old son informed me that he had some "questions" and proceeded to hint around that these "questions" could possibly include some stuff from the book of Song of Solomon (if you know what I mean). Like any good mother would, I held back my first instinct to feel prude...smiled...and answered him thoughtfully with the wisest thing I knew to say at that moment..."I'll go get your dad and let you talk to him." What a fabulous delegator I am! :)

So between the movie and my son's rude interruption into my naivety, I am feeling pretty weird right now. Weird...and...kinda spent.

But before I head off to bed, I actually do have a word I hope will be of value to you today. Please forgive me for not posting last week like I said I would. I had some exciting things come to fruition that I plan on sharing with you sometime this week that demanded my attention. Please come back and check in with me. I am working against a writing deadline for Friday, but I hope to have something up about the things God has led me to by Thursday.

But back to the word I hope is of value to you.

With my hubby having the day off from teaching our THRIVING small group at church today, we decided to forgo our regular routine and attend another church in the area where a dear friend from seminary days would be speaking. The service had a great vibe from the very start, one with lots of energy and a palpable sense of the Spirit. My kids were loving the rockin' band, and so were their parents. It was right after the music that the guy with the microphone introduced us to a time of baptism. One by one, folks in full street clothes came up and walked into the hot tub-like baptismal at the foot of the stage, not too many feet in front of the front row attendees. We were more than half-way back, but the scene before us was awesome. I watched as all three of my children were glued to the picture of old becoming new, which wrapped me up like a warm blanket. My 6-year old was especially transfixed. Having recently made a salvation decision, her tender heart was clearly touched.

The guy with the microphone ended the time of baptism by telling the rest of us that if anyone else wanted to be baptized they would welcome it. They were prepared with extra clothing and encouraged the spontaneity, they said, should someone desire to make known their decision to follow Christ. I could see my daughter's wheels turning as she turned to my husband and asked, "Daddy, can I be baptized?" Immediately MY wheels started turning. I started thinking about all the things a conscientious mom in my position would like the fact that we didn't have a camera on us...the grandparents would kill us for not letting them know...how in the world would her hair ever dry in time for church to let out...and on and on. (Did I mention in addition to my delegating skills I am also a really good planner? :)

But as I silently thought of all the things that wouldn't be right about my little Shae being baptized in such a spontaneous way, I could see my husband being led in another direction. Without consulting me, he turned, whispered something in Shae's ear, and the next thing I knew, they were gone.

I could feel my inner protest coming on.

But before I had a chance to panic, God spoke to my heart and said, "Lisa. Stop worrying about the things that don't matter. This is not about those things or your preferences. This is about me. Learn from your little girl. Never stop being spontaneous in your relationship with me."

(Man, He's got a way with words.)

And so I sat, without a camera or a grandparent in sight, waiting for my little girl to be baptized in a church we had never set foot in before today. We didn't know one deacon (I doubt they had one) or even the name of the guy with the microphone. And I have to tell you, it felt phenomenal to be free from my own set of rules.

The way this story ends is probably not the way you think it did. My precious 6 year old, Shae, did not end up getting baptized today. After all the mental stressing, my husband reappeared in a few minutes, this time holding Shae with her head firmly on his shoulder, sniffling. Turns out she has my shy genes and decided she wasn't quite ready to take the plunge. (Breathe, grandparents. I'm sure you'll be there. :)

I look forward to the day she will make that outward testimony of her inward decision. But what I learned today was a rich lesson in obedience. Staying alive in the Spirit. Throwing out my own set of rules and living spontaneously for the Kingdom.

Lord, help me. I never want to stop.

Priorities

Hey friends!

The three great loves of my life are off of school today, so instead of spending time writing my regular Monday blog, I will be soaking in a day with my kids. Thanks for understanding! Please check back with me on Wednesday, as I will post then.