The One Time It's Ok to Be Someone Else

Sometimes we forget that not every one looks exactly like us. And not just in the way of physical appearances. It’s more about what we “look like” in life.

It’s not that we want to be narrow in our thinking or completely self-focused. It’s just that when we are in a particular season of life, we often forget that not everyone is in that same season with us. Or when we have lived a certain way or been given a set of circumstances or born with a built-in identity, we forget that not everyone has walked that road or lived that life or has been influenced by our particular culture or mindset. And that has a potential to cause women to feel much more divided than is helpful or even, necessary. Honestly, it happens all the time.

And in order to get in a mode of empathy rather than division, it may well be necessary to slip on someone else’s shoes, even if just for a moment.

When I started writing my first book, I learned a valuable lesson about this. My very wise editor encouraged me to try to write the book from the perspective of every woman who might read it, and not just the woman I happened to be. Obviously, my own experiences would be on the forefront of my mind, so I would likely write best about what I knew. But I really wanted to stretch myself to write for my audience, many of whom would not “look like” me.

Everytime I write, that thought comes to the forefront of my mind. Whether I’m writing or speaking, I truly try to sit in my audience and BE every woman who will ever read something I write or hear something I say. I’m sure I don’t do this well every time. I am the first to admit to sometimes being in "tunnel-vision" mode. Obviously I can't not write about what is very much my life -- being a wife...a mom...a Christian. But my strongest desire is never to isolate a certain population of women who, because of outside circumstances, I don’t, at first glance, resemble.

Every woman looks different. She might be a single woman. Or maybe, she’s married. Possibly divorcing. Juggling motherhood. Or never been a mom. 18 and eager. At the mid-life point. A Christian all her life. Just recently saved. Searching, but not yet a believer. Baptist. Not Baptist. From the South. From a different country. Been abused. Been indulged. Frugal. Spends her every last dime. Has a great relationship with her mother. She and her mother don’t even speak. And the list goes on.

For me, being every woman has been a powerful exercise in grace. It has made me much more aware and much more accepting and loving of the woman who doesn’t look just like me but needs His grace just the same. It has made me be able to take the tunnel-vision off my circumstances and find ways to relate to a woman who, on the outside, may have a life that is nothing like mine. Because as I wrote about in this post, when we look at the women around us in this way, we find much more in common than we at first think.

If you’ve read my blog or books you know that I am usually the biggest proponent of simply being yourself and embracing who God made you to be, never trying to be someone else. So the title of this blog might have, at first, sounded strange to you! But if in your effort to see the women around you with eyes of grace for their journey that doesn't necessarily look like yours you need to “become” them for that moment, then this one time, I wholeheartedly encourage you to do it.

Be that woman in the cubicle next to you at work that rubs you the wrong way.

Be that woman in your carline who drives a car different from yours.

Be that woman who differs from you, politically.

Be that woman who has a different marital status than you do.

Be that woman who is/isn’t parenting someone.

Be that woman whose personality isn’t at all like yours.

Be that woman who you are sure doesn’t have a care in the world.

Be that woman who is visibly struggling so much it scares you away.

And know that when you do, you may just see something different than you originally thought. You might just develop more understanding and you may just find more grace. You might begin to feel her pain. You may even find yourself able, on some level, to relate.

You might just find a friend.

It's worth slipping those shoes on to find out.

P.S. See you tomorrow, Yes to God, girlfriends, for my post on Behind Those Eyes, chapters 6 and 7!