Letting Go of Goodbye

So, I wrote about goodbyes this week over at SHE SEEKS. Some of you may have come from there. Others may want to pop over after finishing this blog.

It’s not a topic I love, but it is a topic that is important. I mean, we can pretend that life is not full of goodbyes, but at some point we understand that it is…and we learn to deal with it.

I don’t love goodbyes (most of the time), but I have come to accept them as a part of my life, for the rest of my life.

I won’t rehash what I’ve already written about goodbyes HERE, but what I will say is that it seems that when we don’t practice acceptance of this life reality, a kind of clinging-thing goes on in our heart. Left alone, that clinging-thing can turn into a real spirit of defensiveness where we shy away from investing in people and things we feel we may someday lose.

We feel that the risk may be too high to fully give our heart to something we don’t know the outcome of…so we hold back just enough to preserve it.

But in the process, we don’t get the full experience of life, which includes love, loss, and often…letting go.

I encourage you today to resist the urge toward heart preservation if it means you don’t take a risk to love big, dream big or fully invest. If the time comes for you to say goodbye to that love, dream or investment, you can do so knowing it wasn’t because you didn’t give it all you could.

And you can do so knowing that clinging to anything but Jesus never really works, anyway. It is exactly the way this life thing is supposed to be.

Relentlessly Challenged

If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the past year of my life, it’s that I don’t want to live my life without a challenge.

Even as I write those words, I struggle to acknowledge them, simply because I am not ignorant to what that may mean.

Disappointment.

Hard work and effort.

Being stretched beyond comfort.

Going places that feel scary and unfamiliar.

But while those things sound definitively unappealing, I also recognize them to be both necessary and inevitable on the spiritual journey. In other words, they come with the territory.

I can wish for a day off from these things, but the truth is, I’ve had lots of days…months…years off in my life as a believer. I’ve done my time on the sidelines.

And I know from experience how it feels to spend chunks of time without doing much of anything for God and experiencing the feelings to match. Looking back, it’s in those moments I’ve felt most desperate to hear from Him.

My experience with this has been sometimes confusing, and I myself could not explain why I felt most desperate when the waters were eerily calm and steady. I readily admit that there have been moments in my life where I’ve asked God to give me a few months, a couple of weeks, or even 10 minutes without providing me with a challenge. After coming out of ones that almost swallowed me whole, I have to be honest and say that I wasn’t altogether jazzed about jumping right back into a pool of difficulty.

But the truth is, I have never really wanted Him to take me up on that. Because the few times He has, I lived with the feeling that I was missing something. And it is not a feeling I enjoyed.

I've concluded that it must be a result of that proverbial “something” within us that desires more – the something that drives even the most challenge-resistant among us to crave a little water agitation in our life if it means we have a chance at some real life purpose.

In our fearless moments, we see its worth and run towards it.

In our conservative moments, we bolt the opposite way at the mere thought.

And though many of us like to civilize Christianity and tuck it into our safe little Jesus box, the reality is that the road of a follower of Jesus Christ should and will never be completely safe, predictable and self-managed. We’d prefer it, but it’s not possible.

And so all of us have to come to the point in our life and on our spiritual journey where we begin to make a shift. It is where we go from the point of desiring comfort, civility and smooth paths over passion, purpose and glorious unpredictability…to realizing that the only thing we cannot live without is the all-consuming presence of God in our life every single minute -- not a house in a gated community, with an Excursion to carry our 2.5 kids and fluffy black maltipoo around in.

Believers, Jesus and His cause is not meant to be made modern to meet our calendared lifestyle. He did not die so that we could arrange our life to be as comfortable as possible and bring Him into the picture on an as-needed basis. Though we don’t like the discomfort being a follower of Christ brings sometimes, the fulfillment level is one that is unable to be unmatched by a life of no sacrifices.

See the value in following Jesus. Spend every moment running after more of Him. Don’t stop serving Him until you take your last breath.

And don’t forget to crave the challenge. If you deny it, it will either die within you or consume you to the point where you have to answer to it.

The God call is relentless that way.

His, not mine.

Sometimes, God gently speaks to me in the quietness of my heart. In those sweet moments it is a spiritual confirmation or sense of understanding I most feel, coming from Him. These are moments I crave, appreciate, and relish.

And then sometimes, He speaks differently to me. I affectionately call these my “jerk-a-knot-in-my-chain” moments, often brought on by my desire to take the lead in my life. These are the moments I feel the authority of God taking reign of my insides. I probably need them more than I seek them.

Such a moment happened to me over the weekend.

I was getting ready for an event, thinking about some circumstances in my life. Between the whining, lamenting and general internal dialogue in my head, God very specifically spoke to my heart and said…

“Why do you think you know better than I do about what you need for your life? I have protected you from things you thought you needed before when I knew things you couldn’t see. Trust me, Lisa. I know what I’m doing.”

Chain = jerked. Message = heard.

It’s funny how God always has a way of helping me remember that the strong hand I have placed my life in has not released His grip on me for a single second along the way. Making that fact even more remarkable is the reality of how often I try to squirm out of it to run my own course.

Sometimes, that reminder comes with that sense of understanding, love and confirmation, spoken gently to my heart. Other times, it’s with that directness I need to be reminded of the sovereignty of Someone other than me.

Either way, the message is still the same.

God is in control.

He knows what He is doing.

His ways are not my ways.

His ways are best.

To My Writer-Friends

Writer friends, here’s something you need to know…

If you are looking for approval, understanding or adoring fans, you are in the wrong field. In fact, you may want to stop writing right now.

If I have learned anything in the past 6 years of my writing ministry, it’s that every time I write, it will be read by 3 distinct kinds of people: someone who loves me; someone who has heard something about me; and someone who flat out doesn’t like me at all. In fact, the more I write, the more I find group # three grows.

When the critics increase, the tendency is to want to hold back the musings of our heart. Within the beauty of honesty comes the possibility of being misunderstood, judged or criticized. Sometimes the fear of that becomes a writer’s greatest obstacle and they loose the grasp of the raw feelings that made their writing real and relatable in the first place. Sadly, the noise of the critics has gotten into their head, causing them to hold back or doubt their gift.

But then there are those who push through and continue on. They are the ones who write with a purpose beyond needing to get their feelings off their chest. They are the ones driven by their passion for a cause or belief and the desire to help people live better; they are the ones who don’t write to have someone remember their name.

Those in this group are keenly aware that the words they use should be weighed and considered before using them. If they can’t own a word or explain it after it’s become visible, it has to be ditched.

Those who press on understand that the impact of their writing comes when people relate to them as real people with real struggles and real feelings. Wearing the role of a robot doesn’t require vulnerability and could prevent some hurt, but no one I know of has ever been inspired by a cold, pretend person with no soul.

So my writer friends…keep writing. Keep sharing your heart. Don’t be afraid of the critics. Understand that having people agree with you all the time is not the goal. If you have only fans, it is likely you are not as effective as you think you are.

Stir up your reader’s hearts, minds and souls and then show them what to do with that stirring. That's when your writing becomes relevant.

Thicken your skin without hardening your heart. {Tough, but vital.}

Keep your head down and your heart humble. The rest you can’t control.

Your gift is unique and special. Share it freely and don't be afraid of the risk.

What I'm Thinking About

I'm thinking about these things today…

Success.

Love.

Endurance.

Faith.

It’s funny how different these things are defined when circumstances vary.

For my friend with cancer, faith is about something different than it is for me, without it.

Those who don’t have a current large-scale life struggle likely see faith as an amazing Biblical concept that they secretly hope isn’t tested for them like it is in others. But then, as life produces unpredictability, faith becomes something more impossible to live without.

Endurance sounds awesome, in concept. Flashes of running through marathon tape and looking down from the peak of a massive mountain make for spectacular Hallmark-ish thoughts. Often motivated by the idea, we almost forget that sweat, blood and tears usually have to be shed before any glorious scene of triumph occurs.

And then there’s love.

It’s cool to be in love with someone when it feels good. What’s a whole lot harder is when it takes work and effort to keep that love going. Harder still is loving someone through darkness or pain, sorrow or complete ugliness. That’s love when it really counts.

Success is such a tough one. Really, it depends on what kind of outside noise you listen to, where your belief lies and how much you pursue what you were put on earth to do. It’s hard to see the success in a day you got to breathe when you are stuck on a failure you can’t seem to get past.

So, I’m thinking about these things today. Maybe I can get you to think about them, too.

Because I'm pretty sure our circumstances will, at some point, vary...causing our definitions of these things to drastically change.

That might not be a bad thing.

In the End

Stay in the journey.

This is a phrase I have heard my mentor and friend, Monty, say a lot over the years since I’ve known him. I {pretty much} knew what it meant, but I never really knew exactly what it meant to him. But in the 10 years he’s been speaking truth into my life, I’ve never known Monty to ever say anything non-weighed or short of purposeful. So I knew it held significance.

Over yesterday’s lunch he explained himself.

He was talking to a group of us about how he, at one point in his life, felt stuck. His circumstances weren’t cooperating with his desires or needs, and he was left to drill down and dig deep to sort things out: two things that are usually about as fun as the root canal they represent.

As in typical Monty fashion, he began to get creative with this struggle. He knew that there were many things he could not control or make happen. But he also knew that there were some things he had the power to change. With that thought in mind, he decided to go on a Biblical word search of sorts – to choose some words in the Word to study and dedicate himself to implementing in his life. To get started, he chose the word, “faithfulness.”

Thus began his pursuit of a spiritual discipline most of us want, love the idea of, and bumble over, all at the same time.

Because remaining faithful to God is hard, sometimes.

We pray and in 3 days do not see results, and we question His level of care for us.

Or…we struggle and think there is something He should do about it, since He’s the One who is supposed to save.

But as Monty pointed out, “faithfulness” has delayed spiritual rewards – it’s the one thing {besides judgment} that the Word says will be given its proper result later. It’s not instant, which is why we bumble over it. We’re used to getting what we want right here, right now. And that plays into our view of God and what we think He should do for us – a little like instant oatmeal.

After this conversation, I thought about me. Today, I wonder about you.

Are you staying in the journey? Or are you bailing because things are a little tougher than you prefer?

The encouragement I offer you in this post is something of only 4 words. But please know that though it may be short and to the point, it is anything but simple.

See your commitment through.

Even when you don’t feel like it. Even when it doesn’t seem to make sense. And despite the fact that you can’t yet feel the fullness of having God find you faithful. Not now. Not yet.

But that day will come. And though I have no clue exactly what that specific reward will be, I have every belief that it will be well worth it. God doesn’t do anything second class.

So…stay in the journey, friends. Drill down, dig deep and believe the promise of God.

See your commitment through. Stay the course. Remain faithful.

II Samuel 22:26: “To the faithful you show yourself faithful…”

A Forgotten Discipline

Something a Facebook friend wrote on his wall yesterday really stuck with me. Because I don’t know if he would want to be quoted, (and I wrote this before I asked him ) I have decided to paraphrase it for you. Basically he said that if he were paid money for every time a follower of Jesus Christ criticized another, he would be a rich man.

It reminded me of something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately…

The forgotten principal of restraint.

I think it’s been proven by our reputation for spiritual catfights that we are a people who love to get things off our chest. Running our mouth, we are good at. When it comes to saying the first thing that comes to our mind, we do well, too. And when something really messes with our insides, we have no qualms about making sure that at the very least, we let someone besides us know.

We even use God sometimes in our right fighting. One of our primary uses of this is when we reference a Scripture to threaten, accuse or imply things we are angry or irritated about, yet feel we need back up to support. Though, as followers of God, aren’t we supposed to follow His example…practice His behavior?

Consider Isaiah 53: 7…
“He was beaten, He was tortured, but He didn’t say a word.” {msg}

Now if ever there was a time for protesting, this was His moment. If He ever wanted to cite the wrongs against Him, it would have been then. But instead, He practiced the supernatural principle of restraint.

I’m wondering…where has that principal gone?

I’m afraid it’s been replaced with our over-spiritualized view of ourselves. We throw Scripture out when it is convenient for us, often with a peppering of our own opinion and pieces of our own baggage. Sometimes, it’s just more convenient to throw hurtful words at one another than drill down on what is really going on inside our own soul.

How do we justify it? We tell ourselves we should be able to say whatever we want to say. If we feel it, it has to be shared. If we know something we consider news worthy about someone else, we feel suddenly and conveniently spiritual enough to be the one to help others “see the light” about something or someone.

It leaves me thinking about the fact that though we have the freedom to say what we want; it takes much more courage and character to refrain from it.

I’m assuming here, but I think that one of the goals Jesus had in keeping silent was to keep mob-like behavior from further breaking out. Because of His infinite wisdom, I believe that He knew how powerful any word He spoke would be at that moment, and He chose His words specifically and carefully, with thought to the result. He possessed the kind of holiness that innately knew those kinds of things.

Jesus practiced the beautiful principle of restraint.

And yet, we have someone who hurts us and we lash back with holier-than-though vengeance. We experience something we don’t like, and we do and say everything in our power to create a victim in ourselves. We shout from the rooftops when we feel someone is against us, yet we expect nothing less than the gracious benefit of the doubt from others.

We hurt each other, believers, because we do not practice the principal of Godly restraint.

The question then becomes: don’t we need to admonish each other in the Word? Don’t we need to confront one another in love when we know they have done wrong?

Yes, Scripture talks about that. Yes, I think it is right, in certain circumstances. But I’m not delving into that right now because that is not what this post is about.

And the reality is, most of us don’t know how to do that without adding our baggage, feelings or opinions into it. Most of us don’t fall in the category of one who admonishes in the Word. Instead, we are typically more in the category of one who needs to feel better by verbally accosting someone else.

So until we are living holy enough to know what time that is, I highly propose that it would be better to say nothing at all. Working on holiness is our first order of business. When we do, suddenly this issue becomes less complicated.

Bottom line:

Can we? Yes.

Do we want to? Oh, so bad.

Would He? Maybe not.

Let’s recommit to following His example and practicing the powerful principal of restraint. I think we’ve given people courtside seats to our battles long enough.