Question Series: Week #5: Have I gone there?

“My eyes have grown dim with grief; my whole frame is but a shadow.”
Job 17:7

If ever anyone was a griever, Job was. In fact, had Job known he was going to have to lose all his money, his health, and even his family in order to get a book of the Bible named after him, I suspect he might have passed on the offer. He sure had to endure some heavy stuff for his name to go down in history.

Job knew intimately what most of us, at this point on our journey, know, too...

Sometimes life just doesn’t go the way we want it to.

On the life spectrum, this can mean many things, from the more minute to the most monumental. The more minute might include taking a burnt roast out of the oven as the doorbell rings and company arrives for dinner. Seeing a cute hairstyle in the magazine and asking your stylist to cut it that way, just to find out it looks better on the model in the magazine. A rained out picnic. A surprise party that goes south. Unexpected dental work followed by a really large and unexpected dental bill. A car that won’t start.

These things are disappointing, yes. But are they truly grief-worthy?

I doubt it.

It should be noted here that Job would have probably jumped at the chance to have any of these life inconveniences happen to him. After all, when you are facing issues that have the potential to rock you to your core and change your life forever, you opt for the slightly less tragic door #2. You’ve peeked, and you already know what’s behind door #1.

Loss of health. Loss of love. Loss of life. Missed opportunities. Total life letdowns. Should have been, could have been, would have been. Almost. Not quite. Never will be. Period. End of story. Major life experiences that impact you forever. Things you would never wish on someone, and that includes yourself. A state of being that includes hurt, disappointment, denial, and yes…grief.

It’s not a very pretty picture.

But it is a very real picture of life.

This morning, as I am coming off of a Sunday Bible study lesson in the book of Ezekiel, I find myself reflecting on the question, “Have I gone there? Have I really let myself grieve?”

At first, it seems like a funny question to ask myself when I haven’t lost anyone I love recently. The truth is, I haven’t had anything overwhelmingly bad enough happen to me lately to cause me to want to tear my clothes, shave my head or take a piece of something really sharp and broken and run it across my body to relieve pain. (All things, by the way, Job did in his grief.)

But I have had things in my life that I needed to grieve over. I have had times in my life that bad things happened to me or someone I loved…things I didn’t understand or appreciate. I have had losses and pain and letdowns and sorry endings. I have had things that exceeded just being a bummer and could be gotten over easily.

I have had to look my sin in the face and call it what it is. I have had to go to bed at night wishing I would wake up in a different place, at a different time, in a different life circumstance. I have cried in a closet. I have worried about tomorrow.

Because sometimes, that is just life.

Just ask Kris Lawing.

Or my sister, Jen.

Or the man himself, Job.

If any of us live for very long, we face things we need to grieve over. Because of the fallen world we live in, it is just a reality of life. Life is not always roses or daisies or even, carnations. But life has to be kept on living.

So, we choose to live. But first, often, we need to grieve.

This doesn’t mean we spend our time in a fetal position, curled up in a state of despair or hopelessness. As my good friend, Amy, says, hope is a choice. It is a choice to press on…live on…love on…

…and look at tomorrow with God-colored glasses.

And grieving is a part of that.

Grieving is acknowledging that life is not always good and things that happen do not always seem fair. Grieving is seeing our missed opportunities, our dreams that haven’t been realized, our goals that are unachieved and our hurts that have been worn in our hearts for what they are. Grieving is letting go of the would have beens, should have beens, and wished they’d have beens for what is real and true and parked right under our noses. Grieving is letting go of the past to focus on the future. Grieving is saying it is what it is, and though I don’t love it, I can’t change it. Grieving is prayers of honesty, integrity and maybe even, anguish. Grieving is Godly sorrow over sin. Grieving is letting yourself go there, even if you’d rather stuff it inside for a while longer. Grieving is real, and grieving is good.

Because of what comes after.

“I'll convert their weeping into laughter, lavishing comfort, invading their grief with joy.” Jeremiah 31:13 (the Message)

Often…

Crying precedes laughing.

Pain precedes comfort.

and…

Grieving precedes a beautiful invasion of joy.

It’s not that we want to go there; it’s just that sometimes…we need to. We have to so we can move on to the really good stuff.

Lisa