She Could Be Any of Us

Two emails popped into my inbox this week.

One was from a young woman who sits on one side of the room in my Wednesday night Bible study class.

The other was from a young woman who sits on the opposite side of the room in the same class and the opposite side of life.

One had a stormy childhood and many wounds from her past, while the other led a very charmed life with a great upbringing.

They look completely different, with hair color hues of stark contrast. They are in very different seasons of life. One is married and has kids. One isn’t and doesn’t.

But though they look very different from the outside, the theme of their emails was strikingly similar. Both of them wrote to me about how they long to get real and stop pretending.

And it reminded me of how in one way or another, the threads of Ms. Perfection weave in and out of all of us.

The truth is, Ms. Perfection could be any of us. And often, she is.

What I hear in your comments on this blog from Chapter 2 is exactly what I have heard many women say over the past 5 months Ms. Perfection has made her grand debut. And that is, that though we sometimes think we have to be perfect, what women really crave from one another is to see a person who is “real.” When I got this email today from my friend, Kim, I was reminded of this truth. With her permission, here’s a portion of it…

Recently, I called a room parent meeting where I was in charge. {Lisa’s commentary: Kim is in charge of our elementary school Parent-Teacher Association} It is taking me way out of my comfort zone, as I’m a good Indian – but I’ve never really been a “Chief” with much before. So, I called this room parent meeting, had {the principal} there, probably spent 6 hours or more preparing resources for them and canvassing the teachers, other room parents and administration for feedback. I was really nervous Sunday prior to the meeting, because I just do not do well getting up in front of people. My stomach was a mess Monday morning, but I got up and dressed in work pants, black sweater set, jewelry, did my hair all curly – took extra care with my make up etc. I figured if I were a mess inside, I’d at least look the part from the outside. I got the kids ready and brought them with me up to the school. So I get to the meeting – do my thing and it goes really well – there were probably 30 people there. After it was over, and there were still about seven or eight people left in the room I walk to the front to get my coffee and I’m walking toward the back of the room to talk with someone and I twist my ankle in my high heels (that are supposed to make me look tall, sophisticated and slender) and – just picture this – do a face plant in the carpet (but I don’t spill my coffee!). Lisa – I just sat in a heap on the floor and laughed – until I cried! The other ladies in the room laughed with me – but when we quieted, there was a lady sitting in the back of the room who just looked at me and said “I’m so glad that you did that”. I’m sure I looked at her like she was crazy and just said “It’s been that kind of morning!”. She said – “You would never have know that. I’ve been sitting here the entire time watching you – wondering how you are so put together and organized and thinking that I am the only one in this room who doesn’t know what they are doing or have it all together.” I was floored – that anyone would think that about ME. I started talking with her and she happens to be the room mom for [my daughter’s} teacher last year and it led to a conversation about her being a single mom. I thought about how God was using my bad choice in shoes and ultimately my fall to break the ice with the lady that I really did need to have a conversation with. Wow. I just thought this went right along with what we’ve been talking about in our study – me wanting to look perfect and together and bringing me literally to my knees to make a difference in someone’s life.

What Kim experienced is what I see as the beauty in shedding off this whole Ms. Perfection thing. It’s that “desired result” I blogged about on Friday, and it is only possible when we realize that perfection isn’t the goal but rather, a huge and unnecessary hindrance in our life.

Speaking of conversation, I was so glad that Jill commented about how she was thinking that it might be a good idea to talk to her children about not having to be perfect. In my opinion, I believe a simple conversation about this, followed up by action, can do an enormous amount of good. More often than I can count a woman will share with me about how a perfectionistic parent shaped the way they view the world…their relationships…and mostly, themselves. One of the richest blessings that has come out of the Bible Study group on Wednesday night is when one woman talked about how after reading the chapter on Ms. Perfection, she felt led to have a conversation with her preteen daughter about how she doesn’t want her to feel as though she must be perfect. In turn, I had a similar conversation with my oldest son. How freeing it must be for a young person to know they are not expected to bear the burden of a perfectionistic mindset for the rest of their life.

How freeing it would have been for many of us had we had such a conversation with our parent about this very thing.

But most of us didn’t.

It’s hard for our children to believe us when we say they don’t have to be perfect but see us running around like crazy, trying to be. The best way to encourage a child to stay away from perfectionism is to live that way and model it, ourselves. But it has to be genuine and real. Kids have amazing radar for those kinds of things.

Girlfriends, know today that even if you never had that conversation with a conscientious parent growing up, it’s never too late to have that conversation with your Heavenly parent about it.

To ask Him how to surrender those perfectionistic tendencies when they crop up.

To acknowledge to Him with your lips and mean it in your heart that you simply can’t be that woman anymore.

To just sit with Him awhile and let Him convince you that He doesn’t expect your perfection, He really just wants your heart.

And if it takes a pen mark on a skirt to remind us of that, so be it. Or a fall in a cute pair of heels. Whatever it takes.

In which case, we may need to remember that being Ms. Perfection can actually be hazardous to our health.

Or at least, our perfect little ego.

P.S. Due to my other commitments, I have not yet gotten by to read all your comments. I look forward to doing that by the weekend and can’t wait to read your thoughts. I am also trying to get one of my DVD studies on this blog for you to watch instead of my usual post for one of the upcoming chapters. I hope to do that soon, so stay posted!