Show, Not Tell

By nature, I am a person who prefers a moment of private self-discovery to a 2 x 4 to the head. I am a bit of a rebel (at least in my own mind), and I like to come to my own conclusions. Which has, incidentally, not always proven to be the best way to maneuver my way through life. I have always done things the hard way, it seems. (Enter those painful 2 x 4 moments.)

So when someone tries to tell me something to do or be, I admit that my first reaction is not always one of reception but often one of skepticism or outright rebellion. Looking back on the patterns of my life I see that the people I have respected the very most are the ones who modeled the behavior they talked to me about or taken my hand and very gently led me to the place I wanted to be rather than bashed me over the head with their opinions.

The people I look up to the most are what I call show-ers, not tellers.

It is what I pray often to be in my writing, my speaking, and even, in my personal relationships. To me, being a “show-er” spills over from this whole passion to simply be real. I’m no expert at it by any means, but I’m praying I’ll get better.

It is for that reason that I introduced you to the characters in chapters 2-5 of Behind Those Eyes first. Because they are the ways in which we, as women, choose pretense over truth and conceal for things in our soul that hurt and effect us…things like fear…loneliness…insecurity…and jealousy. I suspect that had I come in and tried to be a “teller” and tell you these things you and I cover for right off the bat, you might have mutinied against the idea and never gotten past chapter one or two. Instead, my goal was to “show” you those roles we play…to see for yourself. I pray it has been received into your heart and you have had those private moments of self-discovery with God holding your hand as you walked through it. Because in order to face some of the ugliest of truths about the massive cover-up of all womankind that you just read about, our hearts had to be in a place where we were ready to receive such honest and raw truth.

Chapters 6 and 7 to me are the culmination of the truth hurting that I talk about so much in chapter one. They were some of the toughest chapters for me to write because even saying words like fear…loneliness…and most of all, jealousy, are so ugly to me that I resist the characterizations. However, in my case, they are fair, accurate and right on.

Ouch.

I have been all of these things at times in my life. Fearful. Lonely. Insecure. Jealous. I could list the ways I have acted out these things but neither one of us has the time. But writing about them in this book was cathartic for me in some way. It was in those quiet moments at my computer that I had many of my own private moments of self-discovery. And in talking with other women since then, I have come to realize that these concealed feelings are no stranger to ANY of us.

What I found when I looked at those very ugly things I have, at times, covered for by my "impersonations" is that if I boil it all down, my love of self is at the very root. Of course, I don’t think of it that way at the time, but that’s exactly what it is. When I am flying, fearful the entire time, what I am really doing is thinking about MY fears…myself. God convicted me of this lately and reminded me that if I were to spend my time on the plane, focusing on His attributes and praising Him for those attributes, it would be much harder to dwell on my fears. Well, how could I argue with that? :)

The same is true of loneliness…”I feel alone.”
God is good, God is caring.

Or insecurity… “I feel unsure.”
God is faithful, God is trustworthy.

Or jealousy… “I feel envious.”
God is powerful. God is holy.

Or dissatisfaction with life… “I feel disappointed.”
God is wonderful. God is satisfying.

I am not saying that all our lonely and jealous and insecure feelings will go away every time we acknowledge an attribute of God. What I am saying is that often times the feelings we conceal blaze out of control because of our magnification of self.

And that’s the truth of chapters 6 and 7.

But wanna hear some really good news? That's not where it ends. We are finally in the last section of the book, “The Real Deal.” And oh, sisters, I believe what you read in the last three chapters will be worth every minute of the journey you took to get there. Please don’t stop now. The best stuff is yet to be read.

As you look at the titles of the next two chapters, you may, at first glance, see some things you have read in other books before. I acknowledge that. But my prayer for you is that as you go into reading these chapters you will ask God to give you fresh eyes to read the timeless truths in front of you and speak to your heart so directly that you can’t mistake His message. You’ve done the hard work and now I believe your heart is ready like maybe never before to receive the message of the real deal. I think you'll see when you read it that this journey has been completely necessary. At least, that is my highest hope and prayer.

And may I ask you to do one more thing? Please don't skip the study questions and "getting real" action steps in the study for the remaining chapters. It is especially important to do the questions and activities in these coming chapters, because it could well mean the difference between knowing things in your head and completely believing them in the deepest places of your heart. I promise if you do them, you will see some beautiful things happen in your life. The last three chapters of the book are my favorite. They are the message of my heart. They are the message of my Jesus, the ultimate "show-er" of truth.

They are a message, my friend, for you.

Praying with you for fresh eyes to see truth!