And then I didn’t.
We “broke up, “ I guess you could say.
There were lots of issues, for sure. Misunderstandings. Communication problems. Lack of trust. And…
Jealousy.
It killed our friendship. Like it always does.
We were jealous of one another, though neither one of us wanted to admit it. It started out little…then it grew…and grew…and grew…until it finally managed to perform a chokehold on our friendship until all the oxygen ran out.
Then…the friendship was gone.
(Fast-forward 3 years.)
I once was scared to take a leap towards vulnerability.
And then I did.
I reached out to the friend to tell her I was sorry and that I didn’t want to be apart anymore. And she responded.
With love…grace…and forgiveness.
The friendship = restored.
The devil = disappointed.
The girl who leaped = satisfied.
I can admit now what I couldn’t back then. I didn’t trust her because I didn’t want to become vulnerable enough to once again get hurt. Even though I’d hurt her, as well, I was more concerned with any wrongs that had been done to me.
Enter one very ugly “flesh side.”
Dr. Phil says something that is almost right. He says (and this is not a direct quote) that not trusting people is really not trusting yourself to handle whatever happens if they hurt you or let you down. That sounds good and I almost agree with him. But then I refer back to my own experiences with getting hurt. What I’ve learned through those experiences is that I can’t handle it. I can’t handle my jealousies. I can’t handle my pain or my disappointments and letdowns. I can’t handle getting hurt. I can’t handle being rejected. And that’s ok.
Because Jesus can.
He can handle it for me. He can handle my heart and give it the TLC it needs when and if it breaks, again. He can be trusted with my life, and I can trust Him enough to allow myself to become vulnerable all over again.
It’s all about leaping.
My friend, Paula Rinehart, has written a beautiful book on this subject of allowing yourself to become vulnerable with others (among other important things). It’s entitled, Strong Women, Soft Hearts ,and as a self-professed “strong” woman (sometimes to the chagrin of my very long-suffering husband), I love this idea of remaining strong while maintaining softness. I think many of us don’t leap…or trust…or get past our struggles with jealousy…because we are too busy trying to be strong and together and invincible. Ya know, for some of us, I just think it’s become a way of living.
Paula has graciously offered to give away a signed book to one of you, for you to read all the good stuff yourself! Just “leap” by leaving a comment on this subject or a Scripture or something to think about. This will enter you to win the book. Trust me, you will love this one!
I will post the winner on Friday.
Leaping with you!
Lisa :)
20 comments:
Lisa, right you are! Having strong relationships is so much about trusting Christ with your heart. I'm so glad you wrote about that. Many need to hear it and I need the reminder when that ole fear creeps in.
I have struggled with friendships through the years. I have been hurt numerous times. About two years ago God brought me a friend when I least suspected it and we have become very dear. But now unfortunately, she will be moving many miles away at the end of next month. Sigh!
beautiful!!! count me for the giveaway.
love, Leigh
First you write on fear and now jealousy! Are you kidding? God is good! You probably didn't have a clue those are both struggles for me right now but God sure does!
I'm glad your friendship was restored. Just like the enemy to do that. Thanks for the post
Friendships- oh, that's a big subject dear to my heart. (The next monthly workshop I'm teaching at my church is on this very subject!). I loved your insight on this- and your honesty.
Great post Lisa (as usual)!!! The Lord says it's easy to love those who love us back but the blessings come when we love the 'unloveable' or those that don't love us back (my paraphrase..sorry I'm not referencing it)!! This book sounds like a great one...I need to read it!
You are a blessing!,
Christy
Jealousy is such a hard thing. You are right, it tears friendships apart. But more than that, it puts a wall between us and God. I think at times I have started saying, Why did you give that to her? Don't I deserve it? Do you love her more than me? Not that I would say any of that out loud. But it is there -- Particularly the love part.
I think we approach each other and God's love in one of two ways. First, there is the there's-a-limited-amount and I-have-to-get-mine-first! Second is in understanding that God's love is never ending and all encompassing and deeper than the oceans. It's in understanding that there is more than enough for me and you and whomever else.
But, jealousy is the first type. And I'll admit. I struggle with it.
May God give all of us the second perspective
Your post touched me so deeply, Lisa, because I have been there. It is so hard to be the one to reach out in faith, but it is oh, so worth it! I admire you for seeking healing in that relationship. I know it was not easy for you. I believe with all of my heart that many times, loving Jesus is the only thing that gets us through some of these things in life! I'm so glad your friendship has been restored. May it bring you joy for many years to come!
Laura
"Restoring what the locusts have eaten". That's His business! I love it!!!
Girl, I think if we'd be honest there's not a woman on this planet who hasn't suffered some form of this. Either being jealous or someone being jealous of us. I went thru this recently with someone jealous of my marriage. Hers is rocky and she actually got ANGRY with me over something sweet my man did for me - like told me she was angry. Then didn't call for weeks...you get the point. While the friendship hasn't yet been restored - she's still dealing with things - I haven't stopped praying for her one bit. I think of Jacob wresting with God and saying that he "would not let go until you bless me" and that's my prayer for my friend. I will not let go of asking God to bless her marriage and restore it and the friendship.
Thanks for the great post!
Val
A great post! And a great book (I have it, so don't enter me in the giveaway). I love that you became vulnerable and reached out to your friend. That is true strength -- and so very hard to do. Often what we think is strength is the opposite -- willfulness. And what feels weak and scary is the best thing we can do -- moving toward the heart of God. Thank you for leading and sharing.
YES, HE is able.
what a wise woman you are...feeling SO blessed to know you..
(ps i will respond to your email, promise...[and pps i cried when i read it])
Got your book today, can't wait to read it. You going to She Speaks?
Would love to read/win the book. I need a new book to read on women and friendships. Please enter me in your drawing :->.
Blessings,
Renee
If we are living for this life, and being a strong overcomer when friends hurt us, then the record of wrongs will add up in our minds and that's not love for our friend I Cor 13:5. RATHER, if we live for forever, not for this life, we'll enter the present fray of our very own heart to see what log is in our own eye, to see our demanding hearts that our friends meet deep desires that maybe only God can meet, to see our self obsession with what we think we need or want or lack. And only our kind God can show up and show us that, Rom 2:4, His kindness leads us to repentance. So, we'll repent and if we can't find rest, we'll keep on repenting. And, I read this a.m. in Exodus 33:19, our beautiful God may have His Hand covering our life and it may still be real dark from His Hand over us, and that makes me weep for that's where I am, but one day, we will see His glory in that friendship, in whatever ways He does it. And His beauty will pour into our friends who hurt us, just like His beauty poured through you Lisa...love your thought-provoking posts. Bev
PS - I have read this awesome book so don't enter me. But, thanks for letting me post way-too-long comments and PS's. Someday I'll learn to be brief, LOL---I'm just so excited about my beautiful God and what He's doing...and finding anyone who will listen to my mess, but it's a beautiful mess over here for a very kind God is showing up in the midst of the jealous fearful fray of my heart.
Man, I love all you girls and your awesome comments!! I smile when I read each of them and just want to hug each of your necks! Maybe someday. :)
Natalie...don't know about SS, but I'll probably be there in some capacity, yes. If not, I am planning on coffee with Cindy Beall. Can we make it a trio if you go?
Bev...I don't mind your long comments at all -- you know that. Love them!
Lisa :)
Haven't we all struggled with this. I think it's part of being a woman and the conflict between our strong and soft sides.
Thanks!
Jealousy eats at the soul and destroys. It's happened to me and it's such a healing experience to allow God to come in and "clean house". Now I have a friend who has stood by me thru many, many hard places.I would have totally missed out on that.
PPS - Happy Valentine's Day. I have a string of pearls for you on my blog if you can get to reading one more post. Would a give-away tempt you? LOL. So grateful to my God for finding your blog, Lisa, for finding a huge heart for Him that I can read about in this season in my life. Thank you!
Lisa, thank you so much for your encouragement on my own post about the lost friendship. To read that it was restored after three years gave me hope. Right now I'm not sure how much I desire that friendship; my eyes have been opened to so many things, but I DEFINITELY do not want the divide that we currently have. I've left it that if she ever changes her mind, I am here and ready. It is bizarre and so hard. Thank you for ministering to me!!
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